


The Death of Me

by koderenn, MyJediLife



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bodyguard, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Murder, Betrayal, F/M, Kylo Ren is her bodyguard, Rey is a bit of a rich brat, Sexual Tension, Stranded in a motel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:14:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23722936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koderenn/pseuds/koderenn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/pseuds/MyJediLife
Summary: The people we trust are meant to betray us, her grandfather used to say nonchalantly, as if it was a natural state of the world.Rey never believed him. Until now.“You were spying on me!” she rages under the pounding rain. "Did you have orders to kill me?"Her bodyguard regards her somberly through matted hair. But doesn’t say a word.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 217
Kudos: 362





	1. Hunted

**Author's Note:**

> Based on an anon prompt that went a bit like this: 
> 
> Ben Solo (call sign Kylo Ren) former US Marine turned private security, and Rey Johnson, President of JEDI (Jakku Enforcement Defence Intervention - Like SHIELD from Marvel - Not important).
> 
> On their way home from a meeting with their security agencies, Rey and Ben are caught in a storm and separated from the rest of the group.
> 
> Rey has to rely on her private Bodyguard, Ben Solo (who she hates for being so perfect at everything he does), to take care of her.
> 
> He finds a quaint motel off the beaten track, Ahch-To Inn.
> 
> Perfect right?
> 
> There’s only one problem (apart from the both of them being soaked to the bone with no clothes): due to the storm they’re fully booked except for one room... which has one bed.
> 
> With a roaring fire, romantic candle lighting (the electricity goes out from the raging storm) what ever could happen?
> 
> Some parts of the prompt have been altered a bit to give it a different twist. Not as light as you may think folks.
> 
> Autobetaed by MyJediLife ;)
> 
> Amazing moodboard from Semperfidani!!

[ ](https://imgur.com/hkQ3WYk)

The draft swirling inside the SUV _bites._

Rey rubs her cold hands together, bringing them to her lips to chase the stinging numbness away with her breath. The tip of her nose is as cold as ice, and she can barely feel her toes curled inside her heels. 

It’s all due to the draft, she keeps telling herself - her shuddering body and pounding heart. If only she could convince herself.

"Have we lost them yet?" She asks.

Rey's gaze is set on her bodyguard's sharp profile, but he barely spares her a glance - simply clenches his jaw and tightens his grip on the wheel.

She knows she can just turn around and look back at the shattered rear window of her BMW X7 SUV for the blinding headlights that have been following them in the dead of night in the middle of nowhere. But somehow asking _him_ for verification is such a visceral reflex these days that part of her wonders when exactly she turned out to be so dependent on him - despite his predisposition to ignore her so blatantly.

“I asked you if we have lost…”

“Yes, I believe so.” 

His annoyance prickle - which should come as no surprise. His interactions with her are always terse. Borderline cold. Apart from a few - so few that she could count them on the fingers of one hand - moments where he has allowed actual breathing _emotions_ to shine through his impenetrable armor, the distance he keeps between them is the size of a continent.

“How much of an I _believe so_ is that? Like a fifty-fifty or a thirty--”

“Ma’am... Not now.” 

“Well, you have a better view of the road than I do. I don’t see why it’s so difficult for you to fill me in on what is happening or--” 

“Ten minutes,” he snaps, eyes not wavering from the road ahead.

“Excuse me?”

“We lost them ten minutes ago.”

Getting words from him might feel like pulling teeth at times, but right now she needs them far more than she is willing to let on.

“Well, that wasn’t so _hard_ now, was it Mr. Ren?”

Kylo works his jaw in response.

Yes, she knows she’s being conceited. But it’s either that or she’ll start screaming bloody murder at the fact that an unknown vehicle has been at their tail ever since they left the outskirts of Coruscant. That it has chased and shot at them, causing them to veer off the highway and into field roads in the middle of a damn storm.

She sinks into her seat, pulling the lapels of her woolen coat tight over her suit, huffing to herself. She knew something was amiss the moment they stepped out of JEDI headquarters. If he had listened to her perhaps their rear window would still be intact, and a bullet wouldn't have ripped through it. And they definitely would not be running for their lives, frozen to the bone from the icy wind drifting inside the car.

“I can't believe this is happening to us. You do realize that we wouldn’t be in this place if you had simply accepted the police escort that Poe had suggested.”

"You talk too much. Has anybody ever told you that besides me?” He snaps, darting his eyes at the rearview mirror just in time to catch the occasional street light passing by. His frown is etched deeper than ever before, and his dark eyes look anxious. Rey can’t help but feel slight satisfaction to watch this refined, former US Marine express emotion so close to vulnerability. 

“Well, it’s true, tough guy. You think you know everything. That you can _shield_ me from danger. But it turns out you’re not as perfect as you thought you were, are you?”

“Are you enjoying this? Does our situation amuse you?”

"We've been chased and shot at by an unknown vehicle that clearly has been on our tail ever since we left JEDI headquarters. I’d hardly say this amuses me, Mr. Ren.”

He slides his eyes in her direction, for the first time in what seems like eons.

Rey grips the ends of her tailored skirt to prevent herself from fidgeting under that dark stare. She hates when he does that - looks at her as if she’s the spoiled grand-daughter of a millionaire. Which she _is,_ but it doesn’t lessen the fact that she doesn’t give a rat’s ass about her inheritance. 

She drags her attention away from his intense gaze. 

Trees are whipping in the wind as the SUV rushes down the dark road. The downpour of rain barely allows any visibility. Lightning crackles across the night sky, branching out over the mountaintop.

“Do we even know where we are?” She asks after a few dreadful moments of silence have ticked by.

He huffs impatiently.

"We would," he points with his chin in the direction of his phone on the dashboard, "if this damn storm allowed a GPS connection."

The windshield wipers are working high speed, barely brushing away the thick rivulets of rain from the window. 

This storm must be the worst one of the year.

Kylo rubs his eyes in the shadows and runs his hand through his hair. Rey catches the sign of discomfort out of the corner of her eye but remains silent. He seems to be very worn out. Tired. She does not remember him appearing this way before. A combination of his Marine training and his insufferable personality is more than enough to keep him on edge at all times. So when Kylo rests his head on the seat, Rey knows there is something wrong.

"Are you alright?"

“Yes.”

Ordinarily, she would not insist, but there's something about his voice, about the way it drags in the darkness that has her very concerned.

She sets her hand instinctively on his bicep. His muscle bulges under her touch, but it doesn't register in her mind, because something wet and sticky catches her attention. She immediately pulls her hand away with a gasp.

“You’re hurt!”

“I'm fine.”

“You are not _fine._ You’re bleeding!” She fumbles in the dark, trying to map out the extent of his wound. His whole sleeve is drenched in warm blood, and she swears the seat is as well. 

“Holy shit!” Panic rises inside her, tasting of metal and iron. She tugs on the silk scarf around her neck and grasps his arm, but he pulls it away with a grunt of pain. “Will you sit _still_?"”

“Will you quit screaming in my ear?" He winces. "It’s only a scratch.”

“Scratches from bullets don’t soak the car’s upholstery in blood, Kylo. You should pull over!” Her fingers tremble as she tries to tie the piece of cloth around his arm. She _must_ stop the bleeding.

“We have to reach Chandrila before whomever was back there catches up with us. There’s no _time_ to pull over.”

"Why won't you just listen to me for once and quit being such a stubborn oaf! I have a driver’s licence too, you know. I’m not _that_ spoiled _._ ”

He chuckles, shaking his head as if she’s offered to fly a spaceship to a neighboring planet. He turns to regard her with the most condescending look on his face. 

“Sweetheart, I don’t trust you to cut a loaf of bread without slicing one of your pretty fingers off. You are _not_ driving the SUV. Stick to your high society and the world of government officials where you belong, and let me do my job.”

His sarcasm wedges painfully between her ribs. She doesn’t even realize she has stopped breathing until her chest begins to burn.

“Is that what you really think of me?” She says, voice trembling with thinly concealed rage. “Is this what you have thought of me from the very beginning? That I am incompetent? That I don’t _deserve_ to be in the position I’m in?” 

“That is not…”

“Why? Because of who I am? Of who my grandfather is? Do you think he placed me there so that I could find something to do with my spare _time_?”

Rey shakes her head and turns to look out her window to conceal the tears brimming in her eyes. She doesn’t need to verify his opinion of her by watching him struggle for an excuse. She sets her heated forehead on the cool glass, blinking away the stinging tears. All this time she thought they had come to a mutual understanding, a respect of sorts for what each of them represented in their line of work. Little did she know that in his eyes she has only been a rich brat all along, pretending to have a job. Pretending she had something to offer to the world to make it a safer place.

"That is not what I meant." 

His baritone voice fills the small space. It reverberates deep inside her in a way that makes her want to believe he _cares_. Believe that she is more than just an assignment to him. But he is so hard to decipher - and impossible to understand. 

“Words are meant to convey what we have in mind, Mr. Ren. Otherwise it would be best if we chose not to speak altogether.”

A long pause settles heavily between them. When he finally speaks, his armor has clanked firmly back into place.

“Of course, Ma’am. I am aware.”

His response gives her little satisfaction and leaves a very bitter taste in her mouth. He knows exactly what to say to spite her. She _hates_ how difficult conversations can become between them.

They remain silent for a long while. His attention remains focused on the road ahead, while her gaze follows the rushing treeline outside her window. She is thankful for the pounding of rain on the car’s roof, filling the oppressive silence that has settled between them once more. Rey knows she should have filed for another bodyguard to be appointed to her for the sake of her sanity alone. But every time she had done so and her report was blinking on the screen in front of her ready to be sent, something inside her would revolt. She would delete it all. And now…

Well, won't you look at her now...

Not a day goes by where she doesn’t hope to see a sliver of affection in his eyes. For her. _Just for her._ What she wouldn’t give to see that hard facade crumble. His secrets released. He is so damn good at holding it all in. Rey knows all about men who hold secrets. She has been raised by one.

“Shit,” his deep voice pierces her melancholy.

Rey raises her head from the spot it had been resting on the window, just in time to see a fallen tree being illuminated in the middle of the road. The SUV slows to a stop a few feet away from it. The windshield wipers are working frantically to keep the window clear while they both stare at the tree blocking the road, as if they could remove it from their path with sheer willpower alone. 

“What now?” she asks.

“We go back.”

“I don’t believe we have enough gas to go all the way back to Coruscant.”

A grimace crosses his features as he rests his hand on the shifter. The dashboard lights blink green against his pale skin. Against the beads of sweat on his brow. He is still _bleeding._ “I know…”

“Do you think we can drive around the tree? Or over it? I mean… It’s an SUV. It’s supposed to be made for these sorts of situations, right?” 

He curses low as he spins the vehicle around and grunts when he changes gears. The tires skid in the mud as the SUV accelerates abruptly.

“Kylo? What do you think you’re doing?”

“Getting us out of here. What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Maybe we should wait. Someone is bound to come this way. Perhaps to clear the road or…”

“Do you really want to find out who it might be?”

He’s looking at her now, with that gaze that stirs all sorts of _things_ inside her. The type of things that shouldn’t _be_ there to begin with.

Rey shakes her head. “No…” She says stupidly. Her stomach is in a knot and she _loathes_ how weak he makes her feel when his eyes bore down on her that way. “It doesn’t sound like a good idea.”

His eyes remain on her for a heartbeat longer than she can bear, before they return to the road. 

“I thought I saw a sign to an Inn a couple of miles back.”

“Whoever was after us might have seen it as well. They might already be there.”

She knows her fear is valid, and it takes him a moment before he responds.”We don’t have a choice.”

Rey believes there is always a choice, but the truth is they have to get his wound tended, and driving in the middle of the night in a storm such as this can only get them into a further mess.

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” he says eventually. A crackle of lightning sears the sky, accentuating the shadows lurking in the night. But the frown on his face has softened, nearly matching his voice.

“I believe you,” she whispers back.

Rey stares at his profile with a pounding heart, just waiting for him to glance at her direction one more time. Only he doesn’t. 

  
  
  


**Six Months Ago**

  
  


A light knock on the wooden frame of her office door had Rey looking up, a smile coming to her lips at the sight of her best security analyst - and best friend - Rose Tico. 

“Come in, Rose,” Rey said, watching as her friend stepped into the room, a stack of manila file folders in her hands. Rose and she had first met while in college, and when Rey had gotten the Director’s position with JEDI, she knew she needed Rose at her side.

“I’ve got the files for the candidates for your personal security. There’s six candidates, and I already have my favorite picked out - and he is a snack, Rey!” Rose grinned as she slapped the folders down on Rey’s desk before plopping down in the chair in front of her desk. She yawned, stretching her arms up as her grin widened on her face. “I am so tired… Armie kept me up all night - he does this glorious thing with his mouth -”

“Rose! Too much information!” Rey shook her head and laughed. Looking at the folders, Rey sighed, rolling her eyes. There had been some threats made recently, and her grandfather was insistent that she have a guard once more. She hated feeling beholden to him - especially when she was a grown woman with her own life - but Sheev Palpatine still managed to get what he wanted.

“Look, Rey, you just need to find a man and get laid. I know you’re, like, married to this job, but come on, girl. Getting some will definitely make things better! I can see if Armie has some single friends, if you want…”

“No!” Rey shuddered at the thought of Rose’s boyfriend setting her up with one of his pretentious snob friends. She had been forced to be around enough men like that to last her a lifetime.

Reaching out, she pulled the first folder towards herself, flipping it open to find a black and white picture of a man she never thought she would see again… 

It had been three years…

_“Really, Grandfather?”_

_Rey huffed out an annoyed sigh as she peered at her grandfather, who was standing before her in a tuxedo, ready to play host to a number of foreign dignitaries and important American politicians. The benefit dinner would bring a lot of donations - both for his company and for his next political campaign._

_“Yes, my dear. We have received several threats. I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you. You need to have a guard with you at the benefit, so we can be certain no harm comes to you. You know I would be devastated if anything happened to my beloved granddaughter.” Sheev handed her a shawl, watching as she draped it around her shoulders._

_“I know, Grandfather,” she said, draping a matching shawl over her exposed shoulders. She was wearing a Vera Wang gown and matching Louboutin heels. Her hair was done in an upsweep, perfectly held in place. She looked like a woman with money and power, capable and put together and able to handle anything. It was exactly what her Grandfather wanted her to appear as._

_Most days she felt like she had no idea what she was doing. She wanted to wear sweatpants and eat junk food in front of the television. But she was the granddaughter of Sheev Palpatine, Senator of the state of Naboo and Founder of First Order Corporation, a defense and weapons company. She wasn’t allowed to be a normal woman - she had to always appear put together and perfect._

_It was exhausting, wearing a mask all the time. She couldn’t even date anyone, because she never knew if men wanted to be with her because of who she was inside, or who her family happened to be. Eventually, Rey had stopped even trying, resigning herself to the fact that she would more than likely always be alone in life._

_She looked up as a man walked into the room, and she felt her mouth go dry, like it normally did when she saw Kylo Ren. Her grandfather’s bodyguard was infuriating, stoic and so by the book - and it didn’t help that he was probably the most gorgeous man Rey had ever laid eyes on._

_It was too bad he absolutely refused to say more than two words to her, or to turn his chocolate brown eyes to hers. He was frigidly polite, all about business, and Rey had decided long ago that - as much as she found him fascinating - she also despised him._

_“Ahh, Kylo. There you are. I have a special duty for you tonight for the benefit.”_

_Rey rolled her eyes as she stood looking out the window. Of course her Grandfather would insist on using his favorite bulldog to hover over her all night. Tapping her foot impatiently, Rey waited for the inevitable order from her Grandfather to the Head of his security detail._

_“You will escort my Granddaughter tonight to the benefit. You will be her personal guard all night and make sure she is safe at all times.”_

_Rey could feel his eyes bore into the back of her head, and she straightened up, her back stiffened as she watched his reflection in the glass as he stared at her, the area under his left eye twitching as he answered his boss._

_“Of course, Sir. Nothing will happen to her tonight.”_

_…._

_Rey hated these functions, and she especially hated tonight. Her heels were pinching her feet, she had a run in her stocking from where she had snagged it on the car door when she was getting out after her arrival, and the room felt increasingly warm. She hated white wine, but had managed to choke down a glass with dinner - which she had found to be less than appetizing._

_She had to get out of there, and as she stepped onto the small balcony overlooking the rose garden of the venue, Rey didn’t have to wonder whose footsteps she heard behind her. He was a hulking figure just in her peripheral vision all damn night, and her mounting frustrations were all being brought to a head just from him appearing once more._

_“Can’t you give me a minute to myself?” Rey spat, not turning to speak to him._

_“No, ma’am. You’re my directive for this evening.” Kylo’s voice was a low, dulcet rumble as it came to her ears - and why oh why did her body deceive her by sending a shiver through her, straight to her core, at the sound?_

_“I think I’ll be fine standing on a fourth floor balcony with bodyguards swarming the compound, Kylo.” Rey said, and a shiver went down her spine as a cool breeze caressed her skin. She heard Kylo’s footsteps draw nearer, and the feel of warm fabric being draped across her shoulders._

_“Just doing my job, ma’am. Your Grandfather wants you kept safe, and I am the man tasked with doing so.” He was so polite that Rey let a low hiss escape her lips as she turned to face him._

_“So I get no say in the matter? I’m shocked you let me go to the ladies room unattended, Mr. Ren! Or will you demand that you be able to stand outside the stall while I tend to my needs?” Rey’s eyes were flashing as she watched one side of his lips raise every so slightly before he answered her._

_“No, ma’am. Outside the ladies room door is fine.”_

_Rey huffed in annoyance before taking the jacket from her shoulders and tossing it unceremoniously at him. “I don’t need your damn jacket, or your help. Go back inside and let me have a damn moment to myself to get some fresh air.”_

_The insufferable man simply stared at her for a few long heartbeats before wordlessly handing the jacket back to her. Saying nothing more, he moved back into the room inside, staying where he could see her._

_Rey stood for a long time, looking out over the roses and pulling Kylo’s jacket around her shoulders as the air grew more chilly. She drew in a deep breath, her nose assaulted with his scent - spices, smoke and a hint of citrus. It made her mouth water, until she remembered just whom the scent belonged to._

  
  


_Robert Salvers, the Senator from Alabama, smiled at her from across the room, and Rey felt her stomach twist in disgust. He was at least twenty years her senior, and the way he looked at her like she was a piece of meat he wanted to devour made her ill. She looked around the room, looking for the quickest exit she could find._

_Instead, she found Kylo Ren, standing quietly nearby, his eyes always sweeping over the room._

_It was a hasty decision, but as the Senator moved towards her, Rey went to her bodyguard, her hand wrapping around his forearm as she pulled him towards her frantically. “Dance with me,” she gritted out between clenched teeth._

_If the prospect of dancing with her bothered him, then he never let it slip past the stoic facade he always wore on his face. Instead, he simply nodded and guided her towards the dance floor, his eyes looking around the room carefully as he pulled her in closer, one hand in hers, the other resting chastely on her hip. Rey inhaled deeply, Kylo’s scent enveloping her, all spices, gunpowder and citrus. It made her mouth water, and as he started guiding her around the dance floor Rey could feel tension surrounding them both._

_Then he looked down at her, their eyes locking and holding for the briefest of seconds, and Rey stopped breathing, her heart stuttering in her chest as he looked away, his gaze now looking around the room to make sure no danger was waiting for her._

**His eyes. Those are the eyes of a man who wants someone desperately. They were burning… for** me.

_Rey bit her bottom lip for a moment before moving forward less than an inch so she could lean her head against his shoulder, and she swore she could hear his heart thumping in his chest just as loudly as her own was._

_Finally she whispered, “Thank you, Kylo. The Senator… he’s… well, he is trying to get me into his bed, and he’s scaring me.”_

_“Did he touch you?” Kylo growled low into her ear, sending a frisson of desire into her core. He sounded almost_ possessive _, and the way his eyes burned made her wonder if it was for her, or from anger._

_“Yes,” Rey whispered, sounding defeated as a shiver ran through her. “He touched my arm, and he said he would love to take me to dinner sometime. It wasn’t his words so much as the way he was looking at me. He...” Rey gulped, shivering as she thought about a dinner that had taken place three months earlier. “There was that dinner Grandfather had, about three months ago at his home. I think you were stationed at the door. The Senator, he cornered me coming out of the bathroom. He… he touched my hip and, well, he was trying to kiss me if someone hadn’t come down the hall.”_

_Kylo stiffened, and she could hear a low growl deep within him, not audible to anyone but her, with her head pressed against him. Rey raised one hand, settling it onto his chest as they moved in unison. She could feel his muscles beneath her hand, coiled and tense, ready for him to spring into action if needed._

_She felt safe with him. It wasn’t something she was accustomed to. She wondered what he would have done if he had seen what the Senator had tried that night._

_“I won’t let that prick near you again.” Kylo muttered as the music came to an end._

_“Thank you,” Rey whispered, stepping back and giving him a smile._

_Kylo simply nodded and turned around, heading back to his spot by the entrance to the room, his eyes now glittering dangerously._

_As Rey watched him, she couldn’t help but imagine how his skin would feel against hers in a far more intimate way, and she shivered once more as she headed back to the table she had been assigned to for the night._

Pulled from her memories, Rey flipped the manila folder shut and pushed it back towards Rose. 

“Him. I want him.”


	2. So close, yet a world away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dancing with a sexy bodyguard? How far can that go?

**Today**

Rey clears her throat at the girl sitting behind the concierge counter. She seems awfully preoccupied scrolling down her phone and twirling wisps of hair around her finger to notice the two strangers dripping like drowned rats in the small, cozy foyer of Ahch-To Inn. It takes another clearing of her throat and a light cough before she is able to catch her attention.

In the background, a cheery woman’s voice on tv speaks about worsening weather conditions in the midlands.

“Good evening,” Rey says sweetly, with her most polite smile dimpling her face and completely aware of Kylo’s looming form behind her. They must be quite a sight to behold. She knows she should have insisted more on Kylo waiting for her discreetly at the entrance - or even better _outside_ \- but she knew it would be a lost cause. He’s never out of sight. _Never close enough._

The girl’s eyes widen when she looks up, and the bubble she was in the process of blowing up with her gum pops loudly in her face. 

“Room for two, please?”

The girl slides her hand towards the phone on the desk, no doubt in an attempt to notify her superior, or very possibly the police, without taking her bulging eyes off them. 

“There’s no reason for you to be concerned,” Rey rushes to say, waving a wild hand vaguely in Kylo’s direction, which should have been the last thing to do now that she thinks about it, because the girl hurries to pick up the receiver and starts dialing. “No, wait! It’s really not what you think...”

Before she can add anything else, Kylo snatches the receiver from the girl and slams it back down. The girl freezes on the verge of screaming.

“If you so much as make a sound,” he growls at her, “you’ll find yourself tied and gagged inside the trunk of a car and deposited in the middle of the forest. Do you understand?”

Rey wants to roll her eyes at her bodyguard’s extravagant ways of persuasion, but the girl nods, wild-eyed, in agreement. Two hundred dollars in bills are slid on the desk towards her under Kylo’s paw. 

“You’ll get a lot more tomorrow morning if you keep your mouth shut about seeing us, and you give the lady a room as she requested. If, however, you talk to anyone... _Anyone._ ” He warns, giving the poor girl that _look._ “Then I suggest you make sure you’re out of state by dawn.”

The girl swallows what Rey believes is her gum. _Honestly this man._ She turns her head to regard her bodyguard - a little annoyed. She’s pretty sure she could have handled this with a lot more tact than him, and not made the girl feel like she had to run for her life. 

“This is completely unnecessary, I hope you know,” she mumbles under her breath as the girl reaches to get a card for their room. “I was just about to explain…”

“How I got shot?”

He regards her with that patronizing look that makes Rey want to slap it off his face and across the room. She purses her lips. “Well...no. Not exactly.”

“That we were nearly chased to our deaths?” 

“You really love being _cute_ , don’t you?” She says, choosing to call him out on his overall terrible behavior. Somewhat.

He chooses not to answer and looks away.

Their staring contests never last long anyway, no matter how much she tries. She brings her attention back to the girl typing at the computer, feeling her temples pulse from frustration.

“Name and ID.” The girl says,trying to sound put together, while she hands them the card to the room. Their room. For two.

“Ben Solo.” 

He cuts in again before she can respond, but this time she’s rather relieved that he does. He searches through his inner breast pocket and hands over what must be a fake id. It’s better to cover their tracks as best as they can, given the circumstances. 

While the girl processes his details into the system, Rey takes a moment to glance around the foyer to calm herself down. The color on the walls looks a little greyish around the corners, probably due to the fireplace that’s lit at the far end of it, and the worn out fake velvet of the couches could definitely use a makeover. The small chandelier hanging from the middle of the ceiling is rather pretty, and the patterned carpet looks mostly clean. There’s a lingering smell of overcooked vegetables in the air, probably from the dinner that had been served earlier, but other than that the _Ahch-To_ Inn looks decent enough to spend a night in. One night - to be precise.

“There’s no use scrunching your nose at the lousy decor,” he declares suddenly while she’s in the middle of studying a polka dot abstract painting of a city at night hanging on the largest wall, one that comes to odds with the Inn’s interior design. “It’s not as if you can do anything to change it.”

Rey snorts, refusing to look his way. “You think you have me all figured out, Mr. Ren. I’m beginning to wonder if your petty remarks are your immature way of showing interest in a woman - or if they are especially made for a brat like me.” She feels an odd satisfaction at the fact that she has managed to annoy him once again. “Besides, the painting isn’t lousy. It’s an authentic Kusama. It looks like the oddest of treasures can be found in the most unexpected places, after all.”

There. She said it.

Although she feels like it has fallen on deaf ears.

“I hope you apologized to the girl for your terrible behavior,” she admonishes as she makes her way towards the staircase. 

“She’ll get enough money to compensate for the fright.” 

“Money doesn’t compensate for the wrongdoings in this world. It’s a pathetic excuse. ”

There’s a long pause before he answers. “You would be surprised.”

She turns her head over her shoulder to glare at him, high on her step. But there’s something in the way he looks up, a certain melancholy so rare in his features, that makes her falter in her response. Guilt rears its head. He has only been trying to protect her in the best way he knows. And he took a bullet because of her today. 

She should really show her appreciation more, she thinks. _If only he’d let her_.

Rey continues her way up the steps. The ones behind her creak under his weight. They reach the second floor and walk down the long, dimly lit corridor that leads to their room. She can feel him in back of her, his bulk a constant, reassuring shield she has become all too acquainted with.

“They gave us the suite because no other rooms were available,” he informs her, setting his hand lightly on the small of her back to guide her towards the right door. 

Rey stiffens at the touch - her world suddenly shrinking down to the few layers of fabric separating her skin from his warm hand. It’s such a rare gesture, him reaching out to touch her, it makes her insides burst into a flutter and her knees grow weak. 

He leans in to swipe the card at the door, and his aftershave envelopes her. 

His chest brushes against her shoulder - a light, barely there sensation that tingles beneath her skin. It’s a closeness that he hasn’t allowed in a very, _very_ long time.

Rey peers up at him just as his heavy, _beautiful_ gaze lands on her. 

Her breath hitches.

She has searched those unfathomable eyes so many times, memorizing the hazel highlights dissolving the brown under the sun’s rays, or cataloguing the richness of amber under a cloudy sky. But never have they seemed so dark to her before. A shade so close to black she swears the night has taken residence inside them. 

Her eyes drop lower - at the full curve of his lips, the softness of which she has daydreamed of kissing too many times these past months. 

She finds herself leaning in. Entranced.

And then they part for her. Those lips _part._ Just a touch, really. Enough for her to almost _feel_ the succulence that awaits her.

The moment suspends. For a heartbeat. Or a breath. It's hard to tell them apart these days.

The panel blinks green, the door unlocks, and as simply as that she is jostled back to reality. Kylo steps back and averts his eyes. He has become so good at averting his eyes. 

The moment fades.

The pang of disappointment that twists inside her comes as no surprise. She has grown very familiar with it. In fact, it feels like it has been her constant companion after waking up all alone in her room over three years ago.

Rey stifles a sigh as she enters the suite, pushing down unbidden memories of moments long gone. 

  
  
  


**_Three Years Ago_ **

  
  


_Kylo rounded the corner, almost frantic in his movements. His eyes were wild, moving from side to side as he searched for a flash of chestnut hair and a red dress. He had seen Rey exit the room, and as he scanned the room again, he noticed the Senator was also missing._

_He had promised her that the man wouldn’t touch her again._

_This woman was going to be the death of him, and Kylo found he didn’t mind all that much._

_He rounded a corner, and his blood turned to liquid fire in his veins as he saw the Senator, his fingers wrapped around Rey’s wrist as he leaned close to her. His eyes narrowed as he stalked forward, his movements mirroring those of a large, feral cat who saw an enemy moving towards the prey they had chosen for their meal._

_He grabbed the Senator from behind, twirling the man around and balling his fist up to punch him - his brain going into fight mode as it told him to_ obliterate _this danger to his prey. Just as he was about to bring his fist forward, Rey’s face swam into his vision, and her hand on his chest caused a different kind of fire to burn within him now. He pulled his hand back, panting as his eyes went to Rey’s._

_“I think the Senator needs to be escorted back to the ballroom, Kylo. Would you be so kind as to do that, and then perhaps escort me back home?” Rey’s voice was syrupy sweet, and Kylo could feel his left eye twitching as he tried his hardest to keep his rage contained. It was only her voice, and her hand on his chest, that helped him control it._

_Not able to speak, Kylo simply nodded, twisting the Senator’s arm behind his back as a reminder that he was being kind by not beating him to within an inch of his life. The Senator stood stock still, glaring at Kylo as the larger bodyguard started to move them down the hall._

_“So… seems like we both want a little Palpatine pussy. Thing is, I have the money and the social standing to actually get it. Grandpa wants her to marry someone important, you know.” The Senator smiled at him, his eyes cold as Kylo walked with him down the corridor, his arm still held uncomfortably behind his back by the clearly angry bodyguard._

_“She’s too good for you, asshole.” Kylo hissed out as they reached the door to the ballroom. Turning, he took one step forward before he heard the Senator reply, adjusting his cufflinks as he spoke._

_“We’ll see. Surely I have more to offer her than a hired thug.”_

_Kylo stalked back down the corridor, ducking into the coatroom to retrieve her coat from the coat check. The girl handed it over to him with wide eyes as he scowled at her, growling out a “Rey Palpatine” through gritted teeth. Turning, Kylo made his way down the corridor again, the few servers and staff he encountered giving him a wide berth as they went about their business._

_He found Rey waiting near the entrance, glancing out across the wide expanse of lawn in the front of the opulent hotel. He came to a stop next to her, waiting until she looked at him before he held out one arm of her coat. She didn’t say anything as she let him help her put the garment on, and stayed silent even as he guided her towards their waiting limo with one hand on her elbow._

_She even stayed silent as he guided her into the vehicle, sliding into the seat next to her, until she let one word fall from her lips into the silence._

_“Kylo.”_

_It was her fucking lips that sentenced his heart to the gallows. As Kylo guided her towards the limo, he knew he had to get himself together. The last time he had let himself become too involved with someone - people got killed._

_She was a distraction. A beautiful, intelligent distraction that he needed to get far away from before she brought his carefully constructed walls crashing down around him._

_She said his name, and it was like honey, threatening to drip inside his soul and glue together the ragged pieces that cut him deeply every day of his life. Kylo looked up at her, his eye still twitching and his bottom jaw working from side to side as he did his best to control his emotions. She looked at him, and he knew she saw inside him, to the very core of his soul._

_She gasped, and he knew he was good and truly fucked as she surged forward, her lips pressing against his as she slid across the leather seat. Not wanting her to pull away from him, Kylo helped her hike up her dress so that she could straddle him, their mouths open and tongues surging against the other._

_Rey fisted her hands in his silky hair, tugging as his mouth moved from hers to lick and suck a hot trail down her neck, his long fingers shoving her coat off her body. Rey let out a mewl as she was forced to pull her hands from his hair to get her coat off, but as soon as the offensive garment was on the floor, her hands were back in his hair, his lips now tracing a searing path over her shoulder._

_She could feel him against her thigh, the hard steel of his manhood pressing against her and leaving her aching even more, a deep throbbing in her core that she was positive would make her spontaneously combust if she didn’t find relief soon._

_Knowing their time was short, Rey released his hair to reach down, unzipping his slacks quickly, exposing the thin fabric of his boxers. Pulling the waistband down to let his cock free of its trappings, Rey let out a long breath at the sight of it._

_Kylo was looking at her now, his eyes burning once again with lust and need. It was almost feral, what she saw in those chocolate depths, and she shivered as she leaned in to kiss him almost chastely before whispering, “I have an implant, and I don’t sleep around, so I’m clean. I need you so badly, Kylo…” Her hand wrapped around the length of his cock, her thumb sweeping over his engorged head to wipe away the droplet of pre cum that had gathered there._

_He let out a low growl as his hands went to her hips, his lips quivering with emotion as a tortured whisper left his lips. “You will be the death of me, I hope you know.”_

_Rey started pumping his cock slowly, keeping her eyes on his as she moved closer, her free hand moving down to pull her red lace panties aside, revealing a deliciously wet swath of curls. Kylo let his eyes travel down to watch as she moved herself into position before sinking down onto his cock, a low moan of pleasure leaving her lips as she did so. She took a moment to let her body adjust to him filling her, their eyes never leaving the others, their combined breaths loud in the soundproofed interior of the limo._

_Then she started moving, and Kylo swore the world ceased to exist except for the two of them in that moment. The way her slick walls pulled against the tautness of his cock had him groaning with the first movements she made, his fingers digging into her hips so hard he was certain she would have bruises the next morning. He let her set the pace, watching her through passion filled, half lidded eyes as he held onto her hips and let her ride him. She looked like Aphrodite personified as she rode him, her head thrown back and lips parted as she panted, grinding her perfect cunt along his cock over and over again._

_He wanted more. He didn’t want this to be the only time he felt her walls closed around him, teasing his spend out of him. She was like a drug, one that if he kept using would destroy him from the inside out._

_The only sound was the wet sounds of their bodies moving together and the sounds of their breathing, heavy pants and moans escaping their lips as Kylo fucked up into her as she slid down his length. It was obscene sounding, but as his hands moved from her hips to the warm skin under her dress, cupping her breasts and letting her nipples roll between his thumbs and forefingers, Kylo didn’t care how it sounded, not when it was the most sublime feeling he had ever experienced._

_Rey mewled as she picked up the pace, bouncing on his lap as her mewls turned into throaty moans, and then his name chanted over and over again. Kylo simply watched her, his hands moving back to her hips. Her tits were bouncing as she moved, and Kylo wished he could put his mouth on them. There wasn’t an inch of her he didn’t want to devour._

_“Fuck… Kylo… I’m gonna cum…”_

_He couldn’t take his eyes off her as she fell apart on him, the walls of her slick cunt fluttering around his cock. A gorgeous blush came over her body as she shuddered on top of him, a warm rush of her flooding down his thick cock._

_Watching her come apart was the turning point for him and he thrust up into her with a final grunt, his spend coating her walls as he had the best orgasm of his life. Rey fell against his chest, both of them panting. Kissing his neck, Rey’s arms went around his neck, her lips moving to his sensitive earlobe._

_“That was incredible,” Rey murmured, pulling away and pouting as she felt him go soft between her thighs. Kylo watched her, and then her lips were meeting his again, and all he could do was think about how much he wanted to taste her._

_He glanced out the window to find they were growing near the estate, and so he said simply, “Pull yourself together. We’re almost there.”_

_Rey hastily pulled her panties back in place, along with her dress, and the car stopped just as she was slipping her coat back on. Kylo’s fix was much easier - he simply tucked his cock away in his boxers before zipping his trousers up, running a hand through his hair to hopefully get it back to a somewhat normal state._

_Rey looked over at him as the driver got out to open his door, her eyes slightly widened as she gestured to his lips. “Lipstick,” she hissed as his door opened. Luckily, he had a few seconds to wipe his hand over his lips, erasing the evidence of their coupling._

_After a few moments, he gestured for her to follow him, walking beside her as they headed inside the expansive mansion. Once they reached her set of rooms, Kylo waited as she opened her door before half-turning to start down the hallway. He was stopped by the feel of her hand on his arm, and when he lifted his gaze to hers, she was smiling._

_She was the sun, coming out from behind the clouds._

_“Where do you think you’re going?” Rey was eyeing him hungrily, her slender fingers squeezing the muscle of his arm before pulling him into her room and locking the door behind them._

_Rey woke the next morning, sore from the previous night’s activities, and she turned over in bed, wanting to snuggle up to Kylo’s warm body - only to find the other half of her bed cold and empty._

_…._

_She was going to ruin him if he stayed. Kylo knew what had happened the night before was a mistake. The limo, her bedroom afterwards - it had all been a mistake. He was supposed to be protecting her, not fucking her until they were both so exhausted they could barely move. He had been lucky his internal alarm clock had woke him before anyone else in the mansion. It made leaving her room undetected easier._

_With one final look back at Rey, sleeping peacefully, the swell of her perfect breasts showing just above the top of the sheet covering her naked body, Kylo made a decision, one that he knew would keep his sanity intact and Rey safe._

_As he stepped into the hallway, where he couldn’t see her or smell her intoxicating scent any longer, he was resolved. He knew what he had to do - and he hoped he had the strength to do it._

_Two hours later, as he left the mansion with his packed suitcase, Kylo felt a sense of relief as he drove away to head up a different team for Senator Palpatine. The more miles he had between he and Rey, the safer she would be - and the happier he would be knowing it._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes a one night stand can turn out to be more than one signed up for ;)


	3. Ice that burns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We believe the title of the chapter says it all. Thank you all for reading and supporting! 
> 
> Autobetaed by MyJediLife ;)

**Today**

  
  


“This doesn’t look like a suite,” Rey says as she walks inside their room, noticing the double bed and its beige comforter taking up the better part of the room. A small coffee table with two armchairs is tucked by the window, and a desk with a decent sized mirror takes up what is left of the space. All in intriguing hues of beige. Rey never thought so many shades of it existed in the world. “I thought you said the girl gave us the suite.”

“She did,” he rumbles, as he walks past her.

“Perhaps she got the cards mixed up. We should definitely go back and make sure this is the right room.”

“This is the right room.”

“This is  _ definitely _ not the right room. How are we ever supposed to sleep in such a small bed?”

“It’s a double bed. It’s made for two people. We’ll figure it out.”

“Well, the factory obviously did not take  _ you _ into consideration.”

Kylo pinches the bridge of his nose and shuts his eyes, which Rey  _ knows _ is not a good sign. 

She has barely ever seen him express any kind of emotion aside from mild annoyance in the worst of situations, ranging between his coffee order being mixed up to discovering potentially dangerous glitches in her security. It all verifies the reasons why he had been so highly recommended by her grandfather. Rey was never prepared for his steam to ever be directed her way. And ordinarily it wouldn’t have been, only today is not like any other day.

When he looks at her he is very, very  _ angry. _

“What do you want me to do, Rey? Do you want me to sleep in the car? Conjure a penthouse out of thin air with a magic wand for you?” He snarls suddenly, tossing his arm in the air. The one that had been shot at and bled for her on the upholstery of her new SUV. “I am not here to cater to your obnoxious  _ needs _ ."

Rey stands numb in her spot, clutching her leather purse to her side and watching him thunder a pace away from her

“I knew I would regret working for you the moment I got assigned to you. This isn’t a position I ever asked to be in,” he points out furiously. “And I never thought it would lead to this fucked up situation!”

Rey nods her head in understanding, trying to temper down his anger. He  _ never  _ gets angry with her, no matter what she makes him go through. “The documents I came across about the illegal armaments being sold to warlords across the world is not something I imagined I’d come across either, Kylo. Believe me, I  _ know  _ what you mean. This mess is inconceivable but…” 

“No. You don’t  _ know! _ ” He growls, closing the distance between them in one frightening step and shoving a long finger in her face. “You don’t know  _ shit _ about what I mean.” 

Rey blinks at him, startled. His dark eyes are ablaze and his nostrils flared. Everything about the way he towers over her screams of rage.  _ Danger. _

“I’m sorry…” she stammers in the small space between them.  _ He must really despise me _ , she realizes suddenly. Because nothing makes sense to her anymore. How this whole time he felt so solid and safe, her very own harbor in these stormy days, and tonight he slices through her like a knife. She doesn’t understand why or how this could be. If it's her teasing and smart ass remarks that have finally made him dislike her so much. ”I never realized...I never thought you felt this way about me. I thought…”

She looks away, lost. Trying to focus on anything else besides the fury directed at her. Her eyes begin to sting. Kylo steps away too, raking his fingers through his tousled hair and rubbing his hand down his face. When he moves far enough for her to breathe again, she notices blood trickling down his arm, splattering on the wooden floor one crimson drop at a time.

“You’re bleeding again,” she points at his arm, in a voice barely above a whisper. 

He stares at the drenched silk fabric wrapped around it, as if he has just registered its existence.

“Fucking piece of...” he growls, before he stalks towards the bathroom. A trail of blood follows his steps.

Rey considers staying in the room as far away from him as possible for a whole fraction of a second, before her concern for him overtakes her pride. He always says she has the most awful self preservation mechanisms.

She removes her coat and follows him in the bathroom. If someone had told her six months ago that she would gravitate around him as if he were her sun, she would have laughed right in their face.

And told them to get lost.

  
  
  


**6 months ago**

  
  


Seeing him after three years felt like a day hadn’t gone by.

And not because he hadn’t changed in any way. On the contrary. He had definitely added a few pounds in muscle, making her feel even more like a twig as she stood in her office, manila folder in hand, dressed in a close fitting ivory suit and with her hair pulled into an elegant signon. It’s just that the familiarity of seeing him stand rigid at her door again, with his hands clasped in front of him brought all the memories tumbling back. Yet, he managed to look every ounce the bodyguard he was meant to be in the report - and nothing like the man who had held her passionately in his arms that night years ago.

It frustrated her. Crawled under her skin.

“It’s a small world,” she began. No point in beating around the bush and pretending she didn't remember him. Although, on second thought that would have been the best approach. To just show him how little he meant to her. 

“Hardly,” he quipped, his deep voice filling every corner of her office and crevice of her body. She shifted on her heels.

Well, at least his one worded replies hadn’t changed much.

“You have come highly recommended to me from multiple sources, my grandfather included."

“I’m good at what I do.”

Rey sniffed, tossing the manilla folder on her desk with all the indifference she could muster. “I think I should be allowed to be the judge of that. You seem to offer a number of services.”

She eyed him like a hawk, waiting for a muscle to twitch or his feet to shuffle, betraying some kind of discomfort, but he remained a statue of composure. She circled her desk and approached him, swaying her hips lightly in her tight pencil skirt. If he noticed, he showed no sign of acknowledgement behind his black sunglasses. His very expensive black sunglasses, which along with his tailored, black suit and crisp shirt must have cost what would be a year’s wage for some people. Unfortunately enough for her, she had been raised in an environment that could detect such a splurge. 

Business must have been good for him.

She came to stand in front of him, raising a chin at her reflection. The glass was so opaque she couldn’t see a single blink behind it. She hated it.

“Take off your glasses. If you are to speak to me, you will do so looking straight into my eyes.”

A muscle on his jaw twitched for a split second, giving her all the satisfaction she needed at the fact that she had finally gotten the upper hand in the discussion. He removed his glasses, slowly. As if it pained him. Looking straight at her.

Just like she had demanded.

But what she came across was not what she expected. The bitter black of his eyes was so painfully different than the rich chocolate that she remembered.

“Is there something you wish to say to me, ma’am?”

Rey swallowed as her eyes followed the soft curl of his lips. Those same lips that had seared patterns across her skin - down the curve of her neck and in the valley of her breasts. If she closed her eyes, she could still feel their phantom touch burn. It stung and ached in so many ways since that night he left her alone in bed, without a single word. 

No one ever left her without saying a word. 

She didn’t forget.

“I ordinarily don’t hire jerks, but I might make an exception this time. You seem to be the best of your crop,” she smirked nonchalantly. “Give your details to my assistant on your way out, and wait for me by my SUV in the parking lot. It shouldn’t take me long.”

“ _ Wait _ at your SUV?” he challenged, looking a little miffed. 

Finally a human emotion. Rey couldn’t be more thrilled. “Do you need directions to the parking lot?”

He hummed, eyes roaming around the room. Assessing. “Should I hope for another quickie in the back seat,” he drawled. “Or are one night stands not your thing anymore?”

Her eyes blurred before she could stop herself, but the slap resounding in the room earned back her dignity. 

Partly. 

Because for the most part, she felt like the naive little girl that woke up all alone in her rumpled bed, with hints of his aftershave lingering in the sheets and his cum sticky between her thighs.

“Get out of my office,” she snarled, lip quivering despite her desperate effort to restrain her emotions. “And don’t you dare  _ ever _ mention that night again. As far as I'm concerned - it never happened. And it never will again.”

He rubbed at the pink stain on his cheek as if it were made of lipstick, and licked the blood on his lip. Silently, he donned his glasses again, hiding those black eyes behind black armor.

“As you wish, ma’am,” he said calmly.

He turned to walk out of her office, broad, thick shoulders dwarfing the entrance. The click of her door shutting was barely heard.

  
  
  


……..

She couldn’t believe she was doing this.

She glanced over at the man currently driving her car, her eyes narrowed as she spat out, “Are you really trying to make me miserable?”

He remained silent, his eyes sweeping across the street ahead of them as he drove. Rey’s annoyance rose the closer they got to her house, and she clenched her fists in her lap to keep from punching something.

“What? You can’t speak to me now? I guess I shouldn’t expect more, should I?” Rey huffed out a breath, her eyes turning now to survey the passing pavement as they moved through the mostly empty streets. The road was slushy from the snow that had fallen that morning, the first snowstorm of many that would happen this winter in Coruscant.

“No.” Finally Kylo spoke, the one syllable word leaving his lips softly in the tension filled compartment of the vehicle.

“No, what? I asked several questions, Mr. Ren.” Rey didn’t bother turning her head to look at him, her hazel eyes remaining staring out the window as she spoke.

“All of them, Miss Niima. I’m here to do my job, ma’am.”

Rey flinched, and Kylo tried to ignore the jolt of pain he felt deep inside after his words hit her hard.

“Of course you are. Ever the consummate professional, Mr. Ren. I guess some things never change.” Rey sank back into her seat, crumpling into herself as she watched the world go by outside the car. Her heart was beating fast in her chest, her fingers itching to reach out and touch his face, to trace the lines and angles of it before she plunged her fingers into that thick, luxurious hair of his. She remembered every noise he had made when they had slept together, every whisper of her name was a treasure she kept buried deep inside her.

He was the worst mistake she had ever made - because no other man had been able to - or ever would be able to be him. He had ruined her for anyone else. She glanced at him again out of the side of her eyes, noting that he was working his lower jaw as he drove - a sign that he was holding in strong emotions.

“Turn here,” she grit out when they reached the cul-de-sac her house was on.

“Yes, ma’am,” Kylo responded, his eyes never leaving the road in front of them. As they approached the house, he reached up with a long fingered hand to press the button on the garage opener, and once he had pulled the car into the garage and the door closed behind them, he was out of the car and around it to open her door.

Rey was glaring at him when he pulled the door open. “I can handle opening my own door, Mr. Ren.” She didn’t look at him as she climbed out of the car, huffing out her annoyance as she did so. Instead of waiting for him, she strode into her house, shoving the door closed behind her and hoping he would get hit in the face with it.

It was petty, she knew - but she was having trouble with all the emotions having him so near brought about. She was being stupid, after all, she had been the one to hire him. But why? Why did she hire him after the way he had left her after their night together? Was she a glutton for punishment?

Rey looked behind her as the door opened, turning to finally meet his eyes again.

“I suppose I should show you around,” she said, her voice still angry sounding in the stillness of her home.

Kylo simply nodded, both his hands full with two large duffel bags full of his belongings.

As Rey showed him around her home, she told herself it would be okay, that she could resist having him so near again, in her private space, even. Having him hovering outside her office door at work was one thing - having him in her private, personal space was going to be another.

Perhaps she should have thought things through more - but seeing his face staring up at her from her file folder made her want to be in his orbit again. She couldn’t have known someone was going to outright threaten her, and that Kylo would insist on being her shadow 24/7 because of it.

Finally, Rey stopped outside her bedroom door, turning to face Kylo. “This is my room. You can have your pick of whichever other bedroom you want. Make yourself at home. Now, I’m going to bed. It’s been a long day.” Rey started to turn the knob to open her door when she felt Kylo’s strong hand on her arm, holding her in place.

“I need to check the room first, ma’am. To make sure it’s safe.” His voice was low and businesslike, yet Rey still felt that jolt of desire course through her.

Stepping to one side, she allowed him into her bedroom, watching as he checked every nook and cranny before checking the locks on the windows last and pulling the heavy curtains closed.

Looking at her, he said, “You’ll need to keep your curtains closed at all times, ma’am. That way no one can see in.”

“Stop. Calling. Me. Ma’am.” Rey’s words were hissed from between bared teeth as she glared at him.

“Of course, Miss Niima. My apologies.” Kylo stepped out into the hallway, pointing to the door directly across the hall from hers. “I’ll be staying in this room if you need anything, Miss Niima. Good night.”

As he turned away, Rey hissed out, “I hate you,” before going into her room and slamming the door. 

Without turning around, Kylo murmured, “I know,” before picking up his bags from the floor and striding into the room he would be using while he was staying with her. He unpacked everything, hanging his clothes carefully in the closet, everything else going into dresser drawers.

He was unsettled, being so close to her again. He had known it was a bad idea to put in for the assignment to guard her, especially after what had happened between them the last time he was assigned to her. But three years had passed, and he was hopeful she had moved on, and that he wouldn’t feel drawn to her any longer.

He had been wrong. All it had taken was one look into those alluring hazel eyes of hers to see she still held a flame for him. Kylo had spent his adult life carefully constructing walls around himself and his feelings. It made him a better body guard. He was professional. All business.

Until Rey Niima had come along. She hadn’t just pulled down his walls - she had shattered them. It had taken him the entirety of a two week vacation before he had his feelings - and his heartache - under control enough to report to his next assignment.

He could not - would not - let the same thing happen again with her.

Kylo told himself he would remain strong. Professional. But as he heard her sobs drifting through the silent house, he found himself standing outside her bedroom door, his hand against the wood as if he could feel her on the other side. He leaned his forehead against the cool woodgrain, trying desperately to treat her like just another client.

Five seconds. Surely he could give himself five seconds to remember what her skin tasted like, or the way his name sounded coming from her lips when he made her come. Surely he could remember how easily he had fallen for her, and how he hadn’t slept with another woman since her because they  _ weren’t _ her.

Five seconds ticked by, and as Kylo pulled away from the door, he turned and walked away, resolved once more to keep things professional and impersonal between them.

His heart would thank him later.

  
  
  


**Today**

  
  


She watches him shrug off his black suit jacket and undo his tie in front of the mirror. The harsh white light of the bathroom accentuates his pale face, and the dark circles forming under his eyes. Rey cringes at the amount of blood now staining what had been an immaculate white shirt. He curses to himself while unbuttoning it, and winces when he tugs it out of his trousers. 

“Do you need any help?” she asks, following every one of his movements carefully, as if she could anticipate the ones that bring him the most pain.

“No, I’m good,” he answers coldly, turning on the faucet. He attempts to peel off the shirt glued to his skin. More blood trickles down the ceramic sink, thinning out into the running water. Rey steels herself and steps in. 

His gaze flies to their joined reflection when she grasps the collar of his shirt to slowly help him remove it.

“Don’t say a word,” she hushes him, surprised by her determination. Her bodyguard studies her somberly for a few leaden moments, before he decides to obey. 

She is extremely careful as she removes the sleeve from his wounded arm. The gash is deep and rather gruesome, slicing all the way down to muscle. Rey hurries to wet a clean cloth in order to clean the area around it. 

“It needs stitches,” he says, gritting his teeth, as Rey pats softly around it. “I would actually do it myself if I had the tools.”

Rey smiles timidly at his bravado, tiptoeing around the minefield of his temper. “You don’t have to convince me of how tough you are. It’s ok to admit how much this stings.”

“I’m not trying to convince you of anything. This isn't the first time I’ve been shot. I can handle the pain,” he grumbles.

“Really? You could have fooled me.”

“And what makes you say  _ that? _ ”

“You cringe before I even touch it.”

“I do not.”

“You just did,” she chuckles.

“That’s because you’re rubbing it the wrong way.”

Rey arches a brow at him. “And how, may I ask, do you want me to rub it?”

He parts his lips for an answer, but he falters as he thinks twice about it. He clamps his mouth shut with a frown. Rey bites her lip to hide her smile as a rosy color spreads over his cheeks. Her big, broody,  _ intimidating _ bodyguard is blushing - because of a dirty innuendo. She finds the moment priceless. 

She reaches for the small bottle of liquor she grabbed from the room’s refrigerator and unscrews its cap.

“Do I need to give you something to bite on?” She teases him, but he just shakes his head, keeping his eyes away from her. His cheeks are still stained pink, and so is the tip of his ear peeking through his wild mane. She finds herself barely restraining herself from caressing it.

His jaw clenches when she pours the contents of the bottle on his wound, but, true to his word, he doesn’t make a sound. 

“I don’t know what to use to wrap it up,” she realizes suddenly. She should have asked for a medical kit on their way up, crossing her fingers it hasn’t been laying around useless for a decade.

“Grab one of the pillowcases. I’ll use my swiss army knife to cut it in strands,” he grumbles after a brief moment of thought. “It’s better if we stay here and avoid raising anymore questions about us.”

Rey nods and walks back into the room, removing her coat and her tight fitting blazer to free her range of movements. When she goes back into the bathroom, Kylo has stripped down to his trousers.

Rey halts.

The sight of his upper body, broad and muscular and completely naked under the bright lighting of the bathroom makes her eyes bulge. She always knew how fit and massive he seemed next to her - but it never really dawned on her how  _ good _ he could possibly look without his stifling suits. How human and simple - and so very  _ attractive _ ... 

“I can wrap it up myself if it makes you feel uncomfortable,” he says, dragging her from her embarrassing thoughts. He is facing her, with his smooth chest in full view. Not a single hair can be seen, apart from the small trail leading from his navel down to his…

Rey snaps her eyes up in panic.

She clears her throat. “No, I can do it. I’m not afraid of touching it.”

He smirks at her, with playful dimples and crinkled eyes, and Rey believes she will die of mortification. 

“Oh, I’m aware,” he drawls. 

Her heels echo strangely to her ears as she walks up to him. He is leaning against the sink, pressing the white towel to his wound. Watching her with that strange way of his. She bristles under the sudden effect of his rare, but very captivating,  _ amusement. _

“Here, let me see…” she says softly, wrapping her small fingers around his hand and taking the towel from it. His eyes are on her, and she does her best not to show how nervous he makes her feel. 

“It’s not that bad,” he mutters in a low voice.

The gash looks as ugly as ever, but the blood trickling from it is far less. She tries not to think of the damage the bullet could have done if it had hit him a few inches to the left.

"Let's patch it up," she suggests hoarsely.

He removes his swiss army knife from his back pocket, takes the pillowcase and proceeds to cut a long strip of cloth, while Rey continues to press the towel to his wound. His muscle flexes, and his breathing picks up as he works the fabric. There’s a hitch of breath or an almost imperceptible grunt here and there when pain sears through him, but other than that he remains focused on his task at hand. 

Rey gazes at him from under her lashes. She studies the frown shadowing his eyes, the long curve of his nose, the way his full lips are tightly pressed together in determination. The loose strand of black hair that sways with every jolt of his knife. She wants to reach out and touch it. Touch  _ him.  _ To get as close to him as she can on this dreadful night. This night that could have been their very last one together. 

Her hip brushes against his, and her eyes fall on the pulse of his neck. It beats a full rhythm, pumping precious life in his body. She wants to press her face against it, get a lungful of his scent - all leather and sandalwood and the metal of a gun. Her heart thuds hard against her ribs, and heat gathers between her legs. 

“There, I think this will do,” he declares triumphantly, holding out a long strap of cloth. He looks at her - but Rey can’t meet his gaze.

“Yeah...I think it will,” she clears the stickiness of her throat, taking the fabric to wrap it around his arm.

Her movements are mechanical. Instinctive. Because all she can focus on is his warm breath prickling her skin. The quick rise and fall of his chest, making her throat clench. 

“We were lucky,” she says out of the blue, barely recognizing her voice. “That shot could have gotten both of us killed. We should have been more careful.”

"I will be more careful. It won’t happen again. I want you to stop thinking about it so much.”

But Rey can’t get the sound of the shattering glass out of her mind. Her vision swims. She struggles to tie the ends of the bandage together, but the cotton keeps slipping from her fingers. “You got shot because of me, how can I stop…”

His palm envelopes her hands, silencing her. Rey looks up. And wishes she hadn’t.

Because the way he looks at her will surely undo her last fastenings of resolve.

"I would take all the bullets in the world for you," he says, softly.

Rey crumbles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guh... *blowing of noses* He is such a softie. Why did it take her so long to see it?


	4. In Vinos Veritas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can defenses really crumble? And under what circumstances? Let's see who cracks first.

[ ](https://imgur.com/QLL3P56)

**Five Months Ago**

  
  


It was the clanking of pottery that woke her up.

It was a sound she was not very familiar with, since Rey had not approached a pot in what she believed was months. It was a regular occurrence to have lunches with colleagues or other professional contacts in fancy restaurants or elegant bistros, while dinners were usually spent at home in front of her smart tv watching the newsfeed with a carton of chinese sweet and sour chicken take out resting on her lap, and a forgotten bite caught between her chopsticks. Therefore, the smell of freshly made pancakes was a very rare occurrence drifting within the ancient walls of her renovated townhouse. 

Obviously, she knew how to make them. She could follow an online recipe down to the last ounce. She was not  _ that _ ignorant. It was just that - well - she never really had to  _ bother _ making them while growing up at her grandfather’s estate. Or anything else edible for that matter. 

It was a simple fact of life.

She padded quietly around the last corner of the hallway and stopped before entering her state of the art onyx and chrome kitchen. There was a man leaning over her stove - white T shirt stretching over broad shoulders and thick biceps - flipping a pancake in the air with the same ease he probably handled his gun - the same gun which was gleaming obsidian black in the middle of her kitchen table.

Rey couldn’t say she was used to seeing the barrel of one next to her fruit basket.

Neither was she used to having a man hum in his slightly off tune baritone voice in her kitchen at seven in the morning. That was an even rarer occurrence than pancakes.

“Good morning, ma’am,” he said politely, like the well mannered bodyguard he supposedly was. “Would you like a serving? There’s enough for both of us.”

Rey crossed her arms in front of her stomach, just as a low growl betrayed her hunger. She would prefer not to accept any special treatment from him. She had graced him with a slap for a reason, after all. But she never had a good handle on her feelings and needs before. She had to admit that right this instance her body craved for many things. 

Including pancakes. 

He glanced over his shoulder at her, obviously expecting an answer. 

Rey shifted on her feet.

“Well, I guess I wouldn’t mind having a couple, since you’ve gone through all this hassle to make them.”

“Have a seat then,” he stacked one more smoothly on a platter, before turning down the fire and setting the pan on the side to cool off. Then he wiped his hands on a towel draped over his shoulder. Her cherry patterned kitchen towel had no right looking so innocent over such a muscled shoulder.

What was he trying to prove, anyway?

She obediently slipped into a chair while he set the platter in the middle of the table and took a seat across from her. 

He poured a glass of orange juice, one for her and one for him. Then he proceeded to set a few pancakes on her plate, then on his. He even squirted maple syrup over her serving, and he did that so nobly without raising his eyes once to look at her. The perfect gentleman. Considering the strap of her night shirt had slipped off her shoulder and she was braless underneath. 

Fresh out of bed.

She folded a knee on her chair and continued to eye him through wild wisps of bed hair falling in her face, as he cut his pancakes in equal triangles. She didn’t pull her strap back in place.

If he noticed, he didn’t let it show. 

"Cooking for me is not a requirement as my bodyguard. You didn't have to do this," she grumbled, picking up her knife and fork reluctantly. 

"I know," he simply responded, before mouthing a forkful. He didn’t seem particularly interested in striking up a conversation, keeping his eyes on his meal and his attention focused on chewing. It made the tension in the air all the more insufferable.

Rey couldn’t take a simple bite. She played around with her food and fidgeted with her napkin, tearing it into confetti. 

The last thing she had expected of him was to make her breakfast. Especially after the way their first meeting had gone. She couldn't help but feel a little  _ uneasy.  _

"I believe we got off to a bad start the other day at my office. I don't normally lose my temper when someone challenges me -"

" _ Challenges _ ?" His fork and knife stilled in the air, and Rey suddenly realized his dark eyes were on her.  _ Finally _ .

"You were being a jerk. Don't act as if the slap was a surprise."

"Is this your way of apologizing for it?"

" _ What!" _ She scoffed. Honestly, the nerve of this man. If he continued being so rude she would have to reconsider hiring him. "I am not apologizing. You were out of line speaking to me the way you did."

His attention was fully focused on her now, just like she had wanted, only not the  _ way  _ she had wanted. Heat gathered on her cheeks. She tried to dismiss the effect his dark gaze had on her, as he sat completely still, dissecting her like some kind of a potential threat. 

Or target. 

She held his eyes, because she had been taught never to give ground to an opponent, even if she was on the losing end. The illusion of power is just as important as power itself.

He set his fork and knife down and looked away. 

“Of course, Miss Niima. You are right. I was out of line, and I apologize for the discomfort I brought to you. It won’t happen again.”

Rey blinked in surprise as he pushed his chair away from the table. It scraped angrily against the tile floor as he got up. 

“Where do you think you are going?”

“I need to get ready to escort you to work.”

“We still have an hour and a half till then. You can sit down and finish your breakfast.”

“I’ve lost my appetite.”

“Don’t be ridiculous! I’ll bet you have a dozen eggs on top of a platter of pancakes each morning just to sustain your… your…” she gestured vaguely at his massive bulk and tight muscles rippling under his shirt, battling with herself to find the proper word. It turned out to be the lamest she could find, “...build. I wouldn’t want to be the reason you fall out of shape.”

He arched his eyebrows at her. “Do not concern yourself with my build, ma’am. I will make sure to be in perfect shape to accommodate your every need.”

Rey’s jaw went slack. Because she could swear there was a jab behind what he had just said. Unless she was imagining things, in which case she was the one with the perverse mind and he was just a stiff, prim and proper bodyguard. But the memories that still throbbed down her body at night screamed that,  _ no _ , he very much meant what he had just said. Every hidden little message.

She narrowed her eyes at him, picking up her glass of freshly squeezed orange juice that he had prepared for her and taking a sip. If this was how it was going to be between them, then she could play this game very well. She had learned from the best.

“Enjoy your breakfast. I’ll be waiting for you at the main entrance while you get ready,” he commented, as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening in his life. As if that night three years ago had never happened, and she had no idea how his tight skin had felt under her fingertips, how his heavy hips had moved between her legs. He picked up his gun, which looked heavy enough even in his large hand, and turned to leave.

“Mr. Ren,” she called out. 

He stopped by the door and looked at her. Rey was pleased to see the wariness in his features. 

“I will need you to escort me to a gala in a few weeks,” she said nonchalantly, taking a bite of pancakes. "Do you think you can do that, while keeping it in your pants?"

It took him a long moment to nod in agreement, jaw clenched tightly and eyes looking away in discomfort. Or pain. She wished she knew him enough to tell the difference. “Of course. As you wish.”

Rey should have been delighted at the taste of victory, but it was as bitter as bile. How many times would she have to snap at him and hurt and demean him before she ever felt it to be enough? 

She clanked her fork down and pushed her plate away in disgust with herself, while he waited silently at the door. 

Always so silent. 

“You may go now," she sighed.

  
  
  


**…..**

  
  


Being her constant shadow these past weeks was not as abhorrent as she originally thought. He was discreet despite his formidable size, blending in with the charcoal colors of the conference room in JEDI headquarters, during meetings, and standing quietly to the side at professional luncheons, with his hands clasped in front of him and his black glasses hiding eyes that watched her like a hawk.

Rey had never felt so safe before in her life. Not even when she was locked behind the steel gates of her grandfather's estate, with security guarding its every corner. 

But it seemed like his own walls were as impenetrable as the protection he offered. His eyes would not linger on her anymore than was necessary to verify she was safe. His large, warm hand would not hold hers longer than was needed to help her out of the car. His solid body would not crowd her in an inch more than she longed for. 

It was torture.

A slow, heart throbbing, exquisite torture that had her mind whirring with possibilities by day and her body churning restless at nights.

Some days it was more than she could bear.

"Would you like to have dinner at the office tonight, Miss Niima?"

Rey startled at the deep voice behind her. She didn't even realize how deeply lost she had been in her thoughts while staring at the night view of Coruscant stretching at her feet. Her bodyguard's reflection approached her in constellations of twinkling lights, coming to stand a galaxy away from her. He waited stoically for her answer, as Rey regarded him over her shoulder. 

What she needed was not food.

"I'm not very hungry."

"It's almost ten. Perhaps it would be good to call it a day. We can pick something up on our way home."

"Home?" She echoed, returning her attention to the glittering view outside the window. Her tired, drawn out features blended in with the reflection of his impeccable form. "It's interesting to hear you call my place home."

His body stiffened. 

"My apologies. It's a temporary residence for me, of course."

"It's alright. I don't mind. I've been on my own for too long, and even your monotonous company has turned out to be a pleasant distraction."

A moment passed before he replied - a hint of amusement in his voice. "Is that so?"

She eyed his reflection curiously. "Yes, I would miss you terribly if something were to happen to you."

He looked away, chewing at the inside of his cheek. Rey watched him as he tried to conceal a smile with a small thrill running down her spine. He was finding their interaction  _ funny _ . She couldn't remember seeing him smile this way before.

“I wouldn’t want to upset you.”

“Upset me? No, of course not. It would be so out of character for you. Making me smile on the other hand…” she trailed off, leaving words unspoken for him to fill in.  _ Dying _ for him to fill in. “Now that is a trait I am curious to see.”

His dark eyes lingered on her for exactly two of her heartbeats before looking away. He bit down his smile.

"The headquarters are empty, and I have secured the premises. We are good to go when you feel ready. Is there anything else you want from me, Miss Niima?"

_ Yes _ , she wanted to say. His 24/7 attention was not enough. There were  _ things _ she wanted from him that he was not willing to give. Like compassion. Affection. A shoulder to lean on.

_ An embrace. _

She had never felt so alone before in her life. So lost.  _ How could she, of all people, feel so lost? _

He took a step back, ready to turn around and walk away - but Rey couldn’t let him go. 

"There are illegal armaments being sold to the Outer Rim by a well guarded faction of our country's own government," she found herself confessing despite her better judgement. "Cartels are being used as a proxy. A go betweener."

After months of tracing what seemed like overseas contacts, she had been directed back to where she had started from. Coruscant. And it was the most disheartening feeling she had ever felt. Some of the names she had discovered were people she had known all her life. Brendol Hux, Enric Pryde, Moden Canady...

"I never thought the investigation would lead me back here," she continued in a near whisper. Whoever was behind the armaments deal, it was someone she knew. The sassurations breathing down her neck were ominous, the implications terrifying."I don't know what to do…"

A long silence followed her words. Her bodyguard gazed at her indecipherably through the night clouds hovering over the city.

"You will do what you believe is right," he said in a soft voice. "That's what we all try to do."

She turned around slowly, hesitantly, as if facing him would have this unexpected compassion, this camaraderie, disappear before she could verify it was real.

"Someone wants me dead because I'm trying to do what is right."

"That's what I'm here for. Το protect you."

"Is that the only reason you are here for?"

His eyes darted away, looking at some remote corner of her office that held immense interest. Why look directly at her when giving an answer anyway? It wasn't as if he would acknowledge any of their past.

But when he dragged his gaze back to her, it was black and heavy in a way she never thought it could be. It sunk inside her like lead, making her knees feel weak. Making them tremble.

“Do you expect something else from me?” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“You know  _ exactly _ what I mean.”

"That's not an answer."

“This is the only one I can give you.”

"It’s not good enough."

He shook his head lightly, as if chastising a petulant child. "It will have to do. I am here only to guard you, and that is what I intend to do. Sometimes you can’t have it all."

Sudden tears welled in her eyes, tears that she desperately tried to hide from him. His voice was velvet, but his words cut deep.

She rubbed at her temples, willing them away. A headache had been building all afternoon - clouding her thinking and turning every disappointment into a marathon of despair.

It was useless. 

This whole investigation was useless. She kept running into brick walls. And the hardest one of all was from the emotionless man standing before her. If his wide chest didn't move with every intake of breath she would have believed him to be made of stone. 

_ God, she was such a fool. _ A fool to have hoped she meant anything to him.

A tear slid treacherously down the curve of her cheek, rushing to get away from the intensity of his gaze. He followed it with his eyes as it carved its path on her skin. Shaming her. 

She tried to wipe it with the back of her hand, but the sudden sensation of his thumb on her cheek startled her. 

She looked up.

"Don't cry." His thumb collected her tear, wiping her troubles away with its comfort. "You are stronger than you believe. You don’t need anyone by your side telling you what is right. Least of all me. You already know what needs to be done.”

“Do you always know what needs to be done? You make it sound so easy.”

He pressed his lips together, tearing his gaze away. His soft touch fell away, and he took a step back, a shadow crossing his features. He seemed to almost regret reaching out to her, as if he had broken some kind of an unspoken pledge to never let his humanity show. It frustrated her more than it disappointed her.

“I don’t always know, and I don’t always do what is right,” he said solemnly after a long moment. “But you are not me. You are better than me.”

Rey’s chest began to ache, and she realized she had been holding her breath as she watched him struggle with himself. There were things he was hiding. Things he wasn’t proud of. She was certain. And she wished he could lift his defenses for just a few more moments so that he could share what was weighing him down. So that she could get to know the man that had haunted her dreams for all these years. 

Just a little bit.

Because she felt - for a split moment - the man stir under his shackles. She felt his fears, and reservations and longing, for a life that seemed so far away from reality. So unapproachable. And a small, imperceptible voice inside her whispered that  _ yes _ , perhaps she was part of that life he longed for. Perhaps she could even be the one to help him reach for it. 

_ Break his chains. _

She took a deep, shuddering breath, filling her lungs with hope.

She only needed to be patient, and show him that she was more than what her inheritance painted her to be. More than the family name that weighed her down. She had always fought to prove everyone wrong. To prove that her legacy did not define her. 

But would he be able to  _ see _ ? And could she show him without ruining the fragile balance between them?

She wasn’t exactly the easiest person to be around. 

“I’m not better than you,” she offered softly. “I’m different, but I’m not better than you. I have a horrible way of handling situations that overwhelm me, and an even lousier way of dealing with people that can hurt me. Or who  _ have _ hurt me in the past. I believe you can understand where I am coming from…”

He stared at her wide eyed for a long moment, thrown off by the peace offering she was giving him. But he was back to his composed self sooner than she hoped. 

“I understand,” he said curtly. But there was a warmth, an  _ ardor _ to his voice that had never been there before.

Rey swallowed around the thickness of her throat. “Do you think you could take us home now, Mr. Ren? I’m so very tired, and I don’t think I can cram any more information in my mind tonight.”

Sometimes backing away and admitting defeat was not the worst feeling in the world. She smiled faintly and moved past him to pick up her purse and coat, but his voice halted her half way through the office. 

“It’s Kylo.”

She licked the dry remains of her lipstick, feeling her poor heart resume its beating with a thud, and turned to face him. "Pardon me?"

He hesitated long enough for her to realize what he was implying. What he was giving.

“You can call me Kylo.”

A peace offering of his own.

  
  
  
  


**Two Weeks Later**

She knew she shouldn’t, yet as Rey got ready for the gala she had to attend for JEDI, she made sure to leave her bedroom door open a crack - enough for the ghost living in her home with her to be able to see in.

They had barely spoken in the weeks following her late night in the office, just simple “Yes, Miss Niima”, or “That will be all, Kylo”. Yet the tension hung in the air all the time, like a guillotine with a string being held in place by a thread.

It could fall at any time, slicing them into two without warning.

She had chosen a deep red Oscar de La Renta gown, with a long slit up the right side, showing off her leg and a hint of her hip. It had a deep back that criss crossed low on her back, the fabric sweeping over one shoulder and leaving her other bare. Paired with a pair of tall, red Jimmy Choo heels, and Rey knew she would look fabulous. Turning from side to side in the mirror before donning the dress, Rey examined her figure in the mirror, wearing only a pair of lacy panties. She turned from side to side, examining herself for a moment, letting a small smile come to her lips when she heard the shuffle of Kylo’s feet outside the door.

Her eyes met his in the mirror, and the fire she saw burning in their depths made her breath hitch in her throat and her core clench with need. How many nights had she pleasured herself while thinking about him and remembering the way he had touched her that one night that she desperately wished she could forget - but never would?

The man was seared into her soul, like a brand she could never remove - not that she wanted to. She  _ burned _ for him, late at night when the house was silent and she could hear the sounds of the shower running across the hall, or his heavy gait shuffling past her door as he went to the kitchen for a drink. She would run her hands down her body, slipping them underneath the thin silk negligee she wore to bed. It wouldn’t take her long to bring herself to climax, her small gasps and moans so far going unheard by the man she wished was giving them to her.

She didn’t have to try hard to remember the feel of his lips on her body, or the way her body had moved perfectly with his. It was like they had been made for the other - and not being able to touch him whenever she wanted was far harder than she had anticipated when she chose him for her personal security detail.

He was the only guard who had ever made her feel safe, though. Having him near made her worries ease, and she knew he would take a bullet for her if need be.

Pulling her hair up off her neck, Rey pretended she didn’t notice him watching her, once more turning from side to side, giving him a perfect view of her breasts, her nipples swollen and achy at the thought of him watching her. Letting out a long sigh, Rey turned and headed into the bathroom to finish getting ready.

“Kylo?” Rey called out an hour later. She was once again standing in front of the full length mirror in her bedroom, putting the finishing touches on her attire for the night. She knew he was still hovering just outside her door - he did that constantly. Always available - but never attainable.

It was beyond frustrating, having the one thing you need so badly so close - yet light years away.

“Yes, Miss Niima?” Kylo called from behind the still cracked open door. His low timbre brought shivers to her spine - because she could still recall the way he moaned her name that night.

  
  


“I need your help.” Rey watched in the mirror as the door opened and Kylo stepped into the room, dressed in a classic black tuxedo, his hair fixed in impeccably groomed waves that Rey knew would feel like silk on her fingertips.

“Yes, ma’am?” Kylo kept his eyes lowered respectfully, and Rey wanted to groan in frustration. Couldn’t he even look at her?

“I need my dress zipped up. And I need help fastening this necklace.”

“Yes, ma’am. Of course.” Kylo stepped closer, his large fingers finding the zipper of her dress with little effort. Rey leaned back slightly, trying to feel his touch on her once more, and she hoped it wasn’t her imagination when she felt Kylo’s fingers trail up her spine slowly, his thumb swirling over her skin and leaving behind a trail of heat. He leaned in, his breath hot on her neck as he let out a long breath.

“Thank you,” she whispered, Kylo’s eyes coming up to meet hers in the mirror.

“You’re welcome, ma’am,” he answered, his deep voice, combined with the smolder she saw in the depths of his eyes threatening to make her spontaneously combust on the spot. Wetness pooled between her thighs, and Rey licked her lips nervously as she held his gaze.

He was the first to break it as his hand left her back and he straightened to his full height once more. “Your necklace, ma’am?” His voice once more caused a frisson of pleasure to shoot through her body, adding to the gathering pool of desire burning in her core.

Rey bit her bottom lip, pressing her thighs together to try and quell the ache of desire she felt from being so close to him again in such an intimate manner. 

Kylo took the necklace as Rey offered it to him, letting his fingers brush against hers an instant more than was proper. He knew he was treading on dangerous ground, knew that he was breaking the professional protocol he had set forth when agreeing to be her personal bodyguard. 

He couldn’t help it. Her skin was like some kind of strange drug that he thought he had withdrawn from - but with it being so close and so accessible, he found he had to have it in some form - even if it was in tiny doses like a smile or a fleeting brush of his fingers against her back.

Her breath caught in her throat at his touch, and Kylo let his fingers brush over the nape of her neck as she pulled her hair up to offer him the delectable patch of skin.

“Beautiful,” he whispered, but as his eyes met hers in the mirror once more, Rey knew he wasn’t referring to the gorgeous ruby and diamond necklace that had once belonged to her mother. His thick fingers closed the clasp around her neck, and as the necklace came to dangle between her pert breasts, his lips placed a quick kiss to the nape of her neck just above where the necklace closed, and Kylo watched as Rey stilled, his eyes never leaving hers.

He would take a bullet for her. He would topple mountains for her. He would burn the world for her - whatever she asked of him, he would do - willingly and gladly - simply to keep her safe. As long as she existed, he was happy.

Kylo swiped his thumb over the skin at the base of her neck, a lover’s caress, one that would only be given to someone you had spent many hours in bed with, your bodies moving together as one.

His earpiece toned in his ear, reminding him he wasn’t Rey’s lover, escorting her to the gala.

He was her bodyguard - responsible for keeping her alive.

He pulled his hand away like her skin burned him and turned, speaking into the speaker affixed to his wristwatch. “Ten minutes, affirmative.” Half turning towards her as he reached the door, his tone was once more terse and professional as his hand pulled the door open. “You have ten minutes, Miss Niima. I’ll wait for you in the hall.”

….

Every flute of champagne she drank made her bolder, made her laugh a little harder at something Senator Dameron was saying to her. He was a gorgeous man - with his dark hair and eyes and charm - and Rey knew all she would have to do is ask and he would gladly take her back to his hotel room for the night.

It was too bad that the only man she wanted inside her was currently across the room, standing tensely, his eyes sweeping the room for any danger, ending on her as she danced with Dameron. His eyes narrowed, and Rey saw the telltale clench of his jaw which meant he was doing his best to control his anger.

Good. Let him be angry. At least he was showing some sort of emotion.

Rey pulled herself closer to Senator Dameron, laughing as he remarked about another couple on the dance floor and how they obviously didn’t like each other. The next time she looked at Kylo, his jaw was working, and he was staring at Poe like he wanted to put a fist through his heart. Rey’s heart was pounding in her chest as their eyes met, and even from across the room, she could see the fire simmering deep within their depths.

It was a familiar fire, one that was continuously stoked from simply being near the other. It was a fire of passion and longing, but it was also filled with regret and sadness. His dedication to his job, his duty, meant that the walls he constructed around himself had to stay up, no matter what he felt. No, they burned for each other, and Rey felt like if she didn’t let his fire lick across her skin one more time, she was going to burn to ash, only to rise again like a phoenix.

  
  


Poe handed her another drink, and the look in his eyes told her exactly what was on his mind. Her head was spinning as she let him guide her to the balcony just outside the large ballroom. She turned towards him just as he leaned down, his lips meeting hers, and everything just felt…  _ wrong. _

These weren’t the lips she wanted pressed to hers. This wasn’t the man she wanted.

“I’m sorry,” Rey whispered as she pulled away, her face flushed with alcohol and embarrassment as she turned to walk away, only to find Kylo’s eyes on her, rage simmering in his eyes and his fists clenched beside him as he played the role of the dutiful bodyguard.

Making her way across the room to him, Rey muttered, “I’m ready to leave, Mister Ren.”

“Yes, ma’am. Of course.” His hand went to her arm to escort her out of the room, and Rey pulled away from him, stumbling a bit on legs that didn’t quite want to listen to her commands to carry her down the hall.

“You don’t want to touch me any other time. Leave me alone, I can walk on my own!” Rey hissed, her words slurring a bit as she did her best to start down the hall.

Kylo didn’t listen, instead putting his hand on her back to guide her. “You’re drunk. I’d rather you not fall and injure yourself.”

Rey spun to face him, nearly falling as she reached out to poke a finger into his broad chest. “You’re jealous. You can’t handle the fact that Poe got to kiss me.”

Kylo said nothing, simply glaring at her. “Miss Niima, you have two options here. Let me escort you out per our usual way of handling things, or keep assaulting me, at which time I will pick you up and carry you out. I am sure you want your friend Senator Dameron to keep his stellar opinion of you intact, right?”

Rey glared back at him. Even in her inebriated state, she knew he was right. She couldn’t very well make a scene at a gala to gather funds for the corporation she was the head of. So, she simply turned once more, starting down the hall once more. Kylo was immediately beside her, his hand on her elbow to steady her leaving behind a trail of fire.

Once Rey had procured her coat from the coat check, Kylo guided her to the waiting limo, sliding in beside her.

The driver pulled away from the curb, and Rey looked over at Kylo after a moment. When she spoke, her words were still slurred, but the sultry tone of her voice had him immediately hard.

“I wanted to make you jealous in there. Did it work? Did you want to kiss me instead, Kylo?” Rey looked at him, and when he said nothing she let out a low growl, unfastening her seatbelt and straddling his lap with great difficulty - thanking whatever Gods existed that the slit on her dress was thigh high - which allowed the movement.

“Would you fucking look at me now, Mister Ren? Sitting on your lap, my cunt so wet and achy for you…  _ only for you _ . Do you know I think of you every night when I pleasure myself, wishing it was your cock inside me instead of my fingers or my toys?”

Rey grabbed his face with one hand, forcing him to look at her.

“You ruined me for any other man on that night three years ago. We may pretend to hate each other every day for the rest of our lives, Kylo, but our bodies know we were meant to be together, and they won’t let us forget, will they?”

Rey started to grind against him frantically, her hand going to his hair, pulling and tugging at it as the coil started to unwind within her as she felt his hard length under her. Finally she was keening through her orgasm, and she slumped against him for a moment, finally sliding off and back into her own seat.

The orgasm, coupled with the alcohol, had her sleepy and sated, and she sighed as she leaned against Kylo’s shoulder, closing her eyes and mumbling, “I only ever want you. So much.”

As the limo pulled into the gated cul de sac community Rey lived in, Kylo tried to calm his beating heart, his cock aching painfully in his pants. Rey slept on his shoulder, her perfume making him want to pull her into his arms and kiss awake as he carried her inside to her bed.

Her drunken words had hit him - because no matter how much they fought, no matter how much they refused to give each other even an iota of ground - their bodies worked together like they were meant to always be with the other.

And so, Kylo let the wall of titanium back in place around his heart and carried her sleeping form inside, tucking her into her bed as gently as he could before looking down at her, his eyes tender and caring - almost as if he was a man deeply in love, gazing down at his sleeping lover with awe.

He leaned down, brushing a stray hair off her forehead, and as she smiled in her sleep he whispered into her ear an answer to her earlier question.

“I’ll never forget, Rey.”

He stood, his face going back to its stoic, professional mask as he turned the lights off and left her sleeping peacefully in her bed - a bottle of aspirin and a bottle of water on her bedside table for when she woke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't seriously think the tension between them was over, did you?


	5. Read me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pardon our delay. 😅 
> 
> Things are getting... steamy.

**Four months ago**

Rey couldn’t get a moment alone, it seemed. Wherever she went - wherever she turned - Kylo was there, a silent, brooding and very unattainable shadow.

Even though she knew she shouldn’t, she ached for him, down in the deep recesses of her core. She lay in bed at night, desperate to sleep as she thought about him, about the way he felt inside her. The way his hands had been so soft and warm against her skin as he touched her like she was a precious treasure he had just discovered. She would shiver before sighing, reaching a hand down to pleasure herself with the thought of him in her head.

The smell of bacon frying woke her up, on this cold November day, and Rey got out of bed, wrapping a silk robe around herself before padding out into the kitchen. Kylo was nowhere in sight, but a plate was on the table, filled with bacon and a farmer’s omelette, a cold glass of orange juice sitting by it.

Rey huffed and rolled her eyes before sitting down and digging in.

***

Autumn in Coruscant was a season that could barely be noticed if it weren’t for the gradual drop in temperature. Steel, concrete and glass covered every inch of the city, barely allowing any other lifeform to grow besides its busy humans. No golden leaves crunched under heels on the pavements, no withering trees branched outside of windows, no scent of mildew and mud permeated the air. The city streets were as sterile and clean as the surgical ward of a hospital. 

Kylo fit in perfectly. Her bodyguard, dressed in pristine black and white suits, allowed no emotions to add color to his life. But once in a while - just like a random butterfly would appear fluttering in the city like a trespasser - a hint of color would stain his cheekbones, and the man made of stone would come to life, long enough for her to catch his brown eyes melting under the timid sunrays breaking through the skyscrapers, or his full lips curling in what she thought was amusement whenever she would whine over lost objects devoured in the insatiable depths of her expensive purses. 

It filled her with hope. Like today.

“Ha! Found it!” she declared triumphantly, pulling her nail file out of the silk corners of her Gucci. She was certain she had left it in the turquoise one and not the blue one.

“Happy to hear that ma’am,” he said, holding open the back door of her Cayenne, with lips curled into one of his rare smirks. It made her heart flutter, emboldening her. “Will we be stopping for coffee today?”

“Not this morning, Kylo. I’m running late for the meeting, and if I add caffeine to my anxiety I’ll be drilling through the floor of the conference room.” Her heels clicked decisively on the pavement as Rey bypassed him and came to stand by the passenger side of her SUV. She’s tired of feeling as if he’s her chauffeur. 

“Is there another change of plans I should know about?” His brows arched behind his black sunglasses. 

“No,” she sniffed, turning her profile to him impassively. She pretended to study the marble lions decorating the entrance of her apartment building. “Back seats are boring. I'm tired of sitting there all my life. I want to sit upfront and have a better view of our ride.”

“Back seats are meant to protect you in case of an accident or attack against-”

“I’d rather sit next to you. I feel safer.”

He paused for a heartbeat, while Rey studied her nails. She was tempted to glance over and catch his imperceptible fidgeting of annoyance at her heedless break in safety protocol - but why give him the satisfaction? He would just find the opportunity to demand she sit in her customary place in back of him where it would be  _ safest _ , and thwart whatever courageous advance she had made in approaching him.

“As you wish,” he relented and opened the passenger door. Rey slided in gracefully, showing off her long legs in the process.

The door shut, cutting off the world and the sounds of busy city life. Her heart thudded in her ears. If only she could appear as decisive today at the staff meeting at JEDI headquarters, when she would announce taking the investigation of the illegal armaments to the Supreme Court. She could practically see the tight lips of her coworkers at her decision to go after prestigious government officials. At least Poe and his team were on her side. 

Kylo got into his side of the vehicle with his usual precision - not a single unnecessary adjustment to his seat. He powered up the vehicle, glanced at the rearview mirror and turned the wheel to enter the traffic.

"I was thinking of hiring a cook for our meals at home," she broke the silence that seemed to sit so comfortably between them these days. "I feel bad knowing you wake up at the crack of dawn to prepare my gourmet breakfast - the farmer’s omelette today was delicious by the way - when you could spend that extra hour doing something more important. Like an extra set of push ups, for example, or two extra miles running or - oh, I don't know -  _ sleeping in _ maybe." She paused to side eye him, but his attention was set on the red traffic light ahead. She dug out her red lipstick and flipped down the overhead mirror. "You’re not responsible for me in any other way besides my protection - not that I'm complaining of course. I love your attention almost as much as I love your cooking." She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye while carefully contouring her lips. She thought she caught him darting his eyes at her with an imperceptible tightening of his grasp on the wheel - but he could have only been trying to change lanes. 

"It's not an inconvenience, ma'am."

" _ It's not an inconvenience ma'am _ ," she parroted, mimicking the low timbre of his voice, and smacked her lips. She tossed the lipstick back in her purse. “I feel so lucky to have you as a bodyguard, you know. Nothing ever inconveniences you. You should actually put that on your resume. _ Extensive experience in catering to obnoxious rich women _ .” She gestured the headline across the windshield. “That should earn you plenty of job offers.”

She seemed to be in an awfully chatty mood today, enough to annoy herself apart from Kylo. She hates when she gets so prickly.

Their vehicle eased to a stop at another red light, making Rey wonder if it would be one of those days where they would catch every single one on the way to JEDI headquarters. 

“What’s wrong?” he shifted in her direction, when anyone else would have normally been kicking her out of the vehicle for her overly derisive comments. 

Rey glanced at him. He had his eyes on her - she could tell because sun rays were piercing his black glasses and softening the shadow of his gaze. Rey wanted nothing more than to peel them off and indulge in the warm color of amber that hid beneath. 

“Just an ordinary day in my ordinary life,” she shrugged. 

He continued looking at her, unyielding to her usual shenanigans, and clearly waiting for a response she had been trying to avoid. 

Rey shifted in her seat.

“I'm taking the case to the Supreme Court, and I had a terrible fight with my grandfather over the phone yesterday. He said that if I continue playing with giants I am bound to get trampled under in the end - whatever that means.”

He pressed his lips together so tight that all color drained from them.

A honking of a horn jolted her, and Kylo snapped his attention back on the road. A few more minutes passed by in silence. Rey eventually sighed.

“I’m sorry for being so on edge...I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

“Perhaps your grandfather is concerned, and only wants what’s best for you. Maybe you should take his advice and reconsider going after those names. You don’t know how they might retaliate.”

She scrunched her brow, feeling a little confused. "But I thought you supported me."

"Not if it endangers you."

"I have  _ you _ to protect me."

"I might not be enough."

Rey stared at his unfathomable eyes hidden under obsidian armor. The feeling of betrayal lodged in her throat. 

“Not you too, Kylo!”

“These are dangerous organizations you’re attempting to bring down. The people in it are ruthless. I wouldn’t put it past them if they tried to -”

“-murder me? You think I haven’t thought about that? Do you think I'm a child?” She glared at him.

He ran his hand through his hair, disrupting the flow of perfect black waves for the first time since she had met him. If she didn't know him any better, she would think he was stressed. “You know I don’t consider you a child.”

“Of course you don't. I’m old enough to get laid, but not old enough to do my job, apparently.”

He clenched his jaw, gripping the wheel and turning it abruptly to the right. The vehicle swerved dangerously between traffic before coming to an abrupt stop behind a truck unloading crates of merchandise by the sidewalk. He ripped his glasses off and leveled her with the full effect of his eyes that she so desperately wanted to see. Rey shrunk under their black intensity.

“I will say this once, and once only. You are a bright and very capable young woman who has decided to tredge on unknown, dangerous waters with nothing more for a weapon than sheer willpower. Our past should not influence my judgement, and yet it does in ways that you can’t possibly imagine. I am meant to protect you, so please don't make this job any more difficult than it already is, because you have  _ no _ idea what or who you are up against. Don’t press your luck!”

Rey stared blankly at him, too distracted by the fact that she had finally caught his full attention. “I didn’t understand a word you said.”

He shut his eyes, rubbing his hand down his face. “It’s better if you don’t. Trust me.”

“Kylo?”

“What.”

“You are scary as fuck when you get pissed.”

He shook his head to himself in obvious exasperation, and sought to put his glasses back on. 

“No, don’t!” She stopped him by setting a hand on his arm. The muscle underneath bulged, reminding her how delicate she must seem in comparison. “I can’t stand those glasses anymore. I despise not being able to read you.”

He stared at her hand for a long moment, before dragging his eyes up. He seemed guarded, as if removing part of his armor would leave him fatally exposed. His brown eyes roamed her face slowly, taking in her features as if seeing them for the first time. Or the last.

“There’s nothing for you to read,” he said in the end, a hint of wavering in his deep voice that made Rey hold her breath and hang on to his lips,  _ waiting _ for him to say something more. Only he didn’t. He simply put his glasses back on.

A blinker went off. The vehicle merged into traffic, resuming its previous course. Rey felt tears brim in her eyes, and a bone deep exhaustion taking over her body. It was only the beginning of the day. God only knew how she would make it through the rest.

“I won’t be stepping back from the investigation,” she muttered, rummaging through the belongings of her purse for her own pair of dark shades. What was the point of remaining wide open for him to read as he pleased, anyway? “Someone needs to try and bring down the trading of illegal armaments, and if no one else is willing to do it, it might as well be me. I am alone. I have no family, no children, no man holding me in his arms at night. My grandfather always saw me as a nuisance growing up, so I highly doubt he’ll miss me if anything happens to me. If I can make a difference in this world, then I will try. It’s my birthday today. What better way to celebrate it than by trying to save the world.”

It took him a moment to respond, softer than she expected. “There are many other ways for a young woman to celebrate her birthday…”

But Rey spared him no more attention. “I'm not like other women.”

She hid herself behind her  _ Jackie O _ shades and looked out the window at the passing city. 

At the life that seemed to pass her by in return.

  
  


***

It was way past midnight when she emerged from the long hot bath she took in her jacuzzi, but she still felt every ache of her body down to the pits of her soul. She shuffled towards the kitchen wrapped in a ridiculously fluffy bathrobe, toweling the water from her hair and intending to pour herself the most expensive dry red wine she owned to drown her sorrows. 

The lights in her apartment were dimmed and no sound drifted from the empty streets below. But sleep seemed out of reach for her tonight.

Perhaps it was the tension of the day that has seeped under her skin. Perhaps the melancholy of yet another birthday passing by with no time for celebration. Perhaps it was the heavy silence of her home.  _ Her loneliness _ . 

Kylo was just a wall away, but he might as well have been a galaxy. She didn’t know what was worse anymore - the years she had spent away from him in bitter anger, or the days she spent next to him in longing.

She opened a cabinet to get a bottle of wine and another for a high stem glass, and she was on her way towards the sitting room when her eyes fell on her table. A glazed chocolate midnight cake sat at its middle with a single candle burning on top of it. Next to it an elegant envelope sat perched against an apple from her fruit basket. 

Rey arched her eyebrows. She approached the burning candle, bent over to extinguish the flame with a light blow, and picked up the envelope.

_ Read me _

It said. Rey smiled.

She opened it up hurriedly, ripping the silky paper with no remorse, and pulling out a gift card to the most expensive spa in Coruscant. A small note fell on the floor.

She kneeled to pick it up, twisting it curiously between her fingers. A sentence in elegant handwritten cursive dipped in black ink shone on one side.

_ To my savior _ .

It said. Rey crumpled.

….

  
  


How much could one man take before they broke entirely? Before they threw their morals, good intentions and training out the window to take what they truly wanted? How much longer could he watch another man slide his hands over Rey’s bare skin before he cracked into a million pieces before her, begging her to let him have a single taste of her skin again?

Kylo kept his face forward, standing as still as a statue inside one of the massage rooms at the spa, thankful for the black sunglasses he had pulled over his eyes still. It allowed him to watch what was happening on the massage table a few feet away without showing the roiling emotions he was feeling inside. His jaw clenched as the masseuse moved his hands over Rey’s perfect toned thighs, the low moan she let out causing his cock to twitch with interest. His left eye twitched as the masseuse said softly, “Oh, you are so tight right there. Let me work it a little more.”

Rey let out a little moan as the man set to work. “Oh yes, right there. That spot right there. That feels so good.”

Kylo’s fists clenched at his side as he considered pulling the man away from Rey and pummeling him until he was a bloody mess, then pulling Rey out into the car and showing her what effect her skin had on him.

He tried to forget about his real directive - the real reason he was here. As the masseuse ceased his ministrations, urging Rey to turn over on the massage table, Kylo’s eyes narrowed as her small, perfect breasts came into view as she repositioned, hastily covering herself back up with a towel as her eyes went to him for a moment.

His jaw clenched. His eye twitched. His hands fisted at his side as his cock thickened in his pants despite his best efforts to ignore it. The urge to  _ touch _ her was so visceral, so all consuming he found himself thinking about it all the time.

He knew what she felt like. He knew how she tasted, how his name sounded on her lips when she came around him. Not being able to experience it again was like being burned to ash from within.

The most exquisite, fitting torture for a man like him.

No attachments to distract him from his directive - that was his mantra from the moment he had been hired for his current position. It should be easy to keep his feelings in check.  _ It should be _ , Kylo reminded himself, using an old relaxation technique his therapist had taught him back when he was an unruly teenager, full of raging hormones and teenage angst. Starting at his toes, he forced them to tighten, holding it for a mental count of ten before allowing them to relax, trying to keep his eyes away from the massage table, where the masseuse was now dangerously close to Rey’s exquisite breasts. He worked his way up his body, clenching his muscle groups for a count of ten before releasing them.

Once he had reached the top of his head, Kylo let out a breath after holding it for a count of ten, not feeling any better. His fists clenched again as the masseuse’s hands worked lower on Rey’s body, his directive letting out a low moan of delight in response to whatever the man was doing with his hands.

Kylo hated him with every fiber of his being. He wanted to plant his fist in the middle of the smug little bastard’s face, to feel bone breaking under his hand. He wanted to ruin him - because he got to do the one thing that Kylo wanted to do with every moment of his existence - touch Rey.

She utterly beguiled him, and Kylo had run away before to escape her siren’s song. The five years they had been apart had done nothing to ruin her magnetic pull on his black heart, though.

No, his heart was hers to do with as she wished. He deserved nothing more than to have her toss it into the deep, dark hole she had unearthed it from, never to be seen again.

Rey let out another low moan from the massage table, and Kylo’s eyes went to her, though his head stayed in the same position. She was looking straight at him, her eyes filled with something that he could only decipher as longing before they closed again, yet another moan leaving her lips as the masseuse hit another tense area of her body.

His cock twitched again, and Kylo frowned. It was going to be a long day.

After a few more agonizing minutes, the masseuse declared Rey’s time with him complete, and Kylo wanted to growl at the man as he walked past him and out of the room. With just one extension of his foot, Kylo could watch in satisfaction as he face planted on the concrete floor in front of him - but instead he glared at him from behind the dark tint of his sunglasses as he exited the room.

“Mm, he has glorious hands,” Rey purred from across the room as she stood, calling Kylo’s attention to her as she took an insurmountably long amount of time to pull the soft terry cloth robe around her still naked body. “Not as big as yours, or as strong, but glorious in their own way.”

Kylo’s cock gave another twitch before ignoring his wishes completely and thickening against the fabric of his boxers almost painfully. His heart pounded in his chest as he took in the visage of Rey standing before her, her golden skin glistening with massage oil in the muted light of the room.

Rey slid the robe on, and Kylo willed himself to remain stoic and uninterested as she cocked her head to one side as she looked him over. “You’re going to be awfully hot in that suit, Kylo. I’m headed into the sauna. I daresay you might want to change into one of those towels they give you. Can you tuck your gun into the waistband, or will I have to rely on your hand to hand fighting skills when the sauna attendant smiles at me?” With a coy smile, Rey turned towards the door that would lead her to the sauna’s changing room, murmuring, “See you in there!”

….

Kylo hadn’t thought his torture could get any worse than seeing those long legs leading up to heaven in the massage room - but he had been wrong. Rey lay across from him on the wooden bench, sweat beading on her naked skin from the heat of the sauna. She had shucked the towel the moment they stepped inside after the attendant had poured water over the lava rocks in the center of the small room to start the steam, and Kylo hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her since. He felt like a pervert, his cock standing at attention under the towel he had tied around his waist, his balls heavy underneath it, an unending ache in the pit of his stomach that he knew would only be relieved when he took matters into his own hand later that night in the shower.

Rey let out a long sigh before saying, “I wish I knew who sent me this wonderful gift for my birthday. It had to be someone close to me, don’t you think, Kylo? Maybe it’s the doorman at the office. He’s always checking me out whenever he sees me - oh, you already know that, don’t you? You know everything about me.”

He watched as she brought up one slender hand to her perfect breast, her fingers gently circling one taut nipple slowly. “You know that I like my bacon crispy, not limp… you know that I spend hours at night watching Discovery channel. You know how I like to be touched…” Rey pinched her nipple, sucking in a breath of air before continuing, “Don’t you, Kylo?”

Her other hand moved to her center, which was glistening in the low light of the room. Kylo watched with a scorching gaze as her finger parted her lips, rubbing a slow stroke over her clit before sliding her finger inside her core, withdrawing it a moment later before bringing it to her lips, her pink tongue licking her own essence off her finger. “You know how I taste…”

“You know how it feels to slide inside me…” Rey’s hand went back to her center, her fingers switching between pumping inside her and circling her clit with wild abandon. “I get so wet thinking about you, Kylo, about how good your cock feels inside me, and how you always bite my shoulder, like you’re marking me as yours.”

She let out a tiny mewl, which Kylo knew meant she was close to coming undone, her chest heaving as her finger swirled around her moist clit almost frantically. “I like being yours, like wearing your mark on me. I love fucking you. I love it when you look at me like you are now, like you want to just devour me and never let me go. I wonder, Kylo, what would you do if I crawled to you right now on my hands and knees and took that thick, delicious cock of yours in my mouth? Would you push me away?”

Kylo’s eyes were fixed, his cock throbbing harder than it ever had before at the spectacle happening mere feet away from him, yet he wouldn’t let himself move. He wouldn’t give in to his base desires, not when he was here to do a job - which was to keep her safe, not fuck her into the mattress every night.

Sometimes you had to make the tough choices, the hard decisions in life - and Kylo had made his.

So he stayed silent, and he watched, his eyes never leaving her as she came with the low moan of his name leaving her lips, and he knew that she had figured out it was him who had sent her the spa package as a gift for her birthday.

He would do it all over again, if he got to watch her come undone before him with his name on her lips. He would get himself off every night in a cold shower - as long as it meant she was safe and alive.

That was all he cared about.

Rey sat up, panting, and her hazel eyes were sad as she looked at him and whispered, “Thank you, Kylo.”

He wasn’t sure if she was thanking him for her birthday gift, the orgasm or his protection, and he didn’t care. He stood, making sure his towel stayed fastened around his hips as he murmured, “I’ll be just outside the door after I get dressed, Miss Niima.”

And just like that, he slammed the wall up between them again - but he wondered just who he was protecting now - Rey or himself?

  
  


….

**Today**

  
  


“Don’t shut me out anymore…” she pleaded, touching reverently the arm that had been bleeding for her mere minutes ago, searching his dark eyes - those dark eyes that seemed to be mirroring her emotions for the first time in months. He said he would have taken a thousand bullets for her, but only one would be enough to take him away from her forever.

She dared to step closer, fingers hesitantly sliding up the planes of his chest, his breath shattering under her touch. 

“I don’t think I can handle being pushed away from you again. I’m so tired…” she said, tears spilling from her eyes and her lip trembling. 

She was barely aware of his hand cupping the nape of her neck or his thumb brushing soft circles on her cheek. All she was aware of was how carefully he closed the distance between them and how achingly soft his lips felt when he pressed them to hers. How warm and supple and absolutely wonderful they were as they molded with hers. His breath caressed her cheek, right on the spot where the pad of his thumb trailed its own velvet path, and her insides began to throb. 

Rey did not remember a kiss feeling so wondrous before. So potent in its delicacy. So  _ visceral. _

His fingers threaded in her hair, and all she could do was grasp his bare shoulders and hang on for dear life. His other hand, his wounded one, came to rest on the small of her back. Her thin silky shirt did little to protect her from the gruff way he pressed her body to his. She thought she felt a bulge, a growing hardness rub against the apex of her thighs - but it was a little hard to think now, as her bones began to melt. 

Because he wanted her. 

This man, her bodyguard  _ wanted _ her, in all her spoiled glory and conceited magnificence. She no longer had doubts clouding her mind.

"Kylo…" she breathed against his lips, because her mind was spinning and her body was soaring. His tongue ran along the seam of her bottom lip and it was all it took for her to whimper for more. She opened for him and he delved in to devour. He tasted her shamelessly, desperately lapping at her tongue as if there was no tomorrow. As if what they had will end before it begins.

The world fell away. All its worries and absurdities. All its insatiable greed and vanity, its cruelty and bloody wars. It all zeroed down to this moment, this embrace, this kiss she had longed for from this man the moment he took charge of her life…

"We need to stop," he mumbled in her mouth.

"No, we don't," she objected.

She couldn't let go now that she has found him. But the fierceness of his kiss slowed down despite her protest. 

"Yes...Yes we do," he insisted.

She clung to him even more. But his kiss fell gradually into a simmer. A lazy, indulgent caress of their lips that neither of them wanted to end. His hand cradling her neck came to nestle just below her breast, fingers spanning across her ribs. He pushed her away gently, disentangling their bodies from their embrace. Rey missed his warmth instantly.

"We can't do this," he said, setting his forehead on hers, and giving her what felt like one of his last kisses. "Not without jeopardizing your protection."

"That's ridiculous," she tried to humor him with a teary smile. She couldn't break away from the tender moment, the sweetness of his lips. "It's the perfect excuse to keep a closer eye on me. We'll be joined at the hip."

Only her bodyguard didn't seem to agree, or find her remark funny, because he set one more kiss on her forehead before stepping away. The man she had been holding in her arms, disappeared behind his faceless mask. 

It happened so fast it left her empty and reeling.

"No. Continuing what is happening tonight will only serve as a distraction," he declared, rubbing away the remains of blood from his skin - washing it all off. 

Rey's eyes stayed on him, unwavering. "A  _ distraction?  _ Being close to you can serve as a distraction? I thought it could serve as an enhancement."

He looked at her through the mirror, instantly aware of the bite in her voice. He must know her a lot better than she thought. "Don't turn this into one more of your endless debates."

"I'm not the one objectifying what we are."

"No, you are simply demanding for us to be something we are not."

"While  _ you  _ are too afraid to accept the truth of what we are!"

A shadow crossed his eyes. 

"And what truth would that be, Rey? What is it that you want from us?” he said, turning to face her. “Because the way I see it we can only turn into a disaster. I  _ work _ for you! I am here to protect you! And all you seem to care about is how many curious glances you can steal from me, or what buttons to press to get my attention. You accuse  _ me _ of objectifying us, when it doesn’t even cross your mind what will happen to you if I miss an intruder because I was too distracted staring at the depth of your cleavage. Lives have been lost because one man couldn't do his job right! Because he was  _ distracted!  _ Did you ever wonder about that? No. Why would you? Life is still a game in your hands... "

Rey gaped at him while he clenched his jaw and raked his hand through his hair in frustration. He seemed like a man who said more than what he was planning. She couldn't help but think of his past - of his service as a Marine.

"Is that man  _ you _ ?" She eventually said, connecting the dots.

Kylo pushed himself off the sink, and stalked out of the bathroom with Rey hot on his trail.

"Do you feel responsible for the losses of men when you were stationed at the Outer Rim? Is that what this is all about?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, it's a little late for that! Are you afraid you will lose  _ me _ ?”

He whirled in his spot to face her. “Stop it!” He growled.

“How many men got killed?”

“This is none of your business.”

“Why were you distracted? Were you upset?”

“Rey!”

“Were you sick?”

“I was thinking of the colonel behind me, alright? I was  _ attracted  _ to her!” he spat out, all out of breath and logic and in so much pain. “I was a scout and I didn’t notice the snipers on a roof. It was a god damn  _ massacre _ !” 

His eyes were wild from the haunting memories, and all Rey could do was watch him fall apart under the weight of them, too helpless to even reach out for comfort. His pain, his anger and guilt were as palpable as if they were her own.

“Only five of us survived.  _ Five _ out of the whole team. She died next to me - a bullet through the head. I was discharged from the Corps due to my injuries with badges of honor because I helped save the remaining men. No one ever knew what happened…”

“Kylo, I…I’m sorry.” 

“Apologies can’t bring anyone back, Rey! And they sure as hell won’t bring  _ you  _ back if something happened.”

She stared at him, too stunned to say another word, watching him rub his eyes as he deflated. He remained still, unapproachable for endless moments. The only sounds Rey was suddenly aware of was the pounding rain against the windows of their room. Thunder rolled in the distance, reminding her that the storm was still raging.

“Listen,” he said eventually, in a deep raspy voice that made her chest clench. “There’s some dry, clean clothes from training in my duffle bag in the trunk. I’ll go get it. It won’t take me long.”

“The rain is coming down in buckets. We can make some stupid barrier on the bed between us with a blanket or something. You don’t have to go now.”

He raised his gaze and it took all she had for her not to run and wrap her arms around his solid body, to kiss those memories away from him forever, ban them into oblivion. Because his eyes were misty and red, and she had never seen him look so broken and  _ exposed _ before. 

“I need a few minutes to myself,” he said, gesturing for her to remain in her spot. To  _ stay away _ . “I’ll be back soon.” 

Rey didn’t budge an inch as he grabbed his suit jacket and put it on carefully. He stopped by the door, contemplating for a moment before he looked at her. “Try not to get yourself in too much trouble in the meantime. I can only do so much.”

She caught a hint of affection in his tone, but he was gone before she could be certain. 

The door closed behind him with a soft click. 

Rey let out a long, shuddering sigh. The type that can rip a soul out of one's body.

Kylo had always been distant. Cautious. Revealing a sliver of emotion towards her had always been unacceptable to him. But she feared that after tonight, he would only raise his walls even higher, barricading himself as if she was some conqueror out to lay waste to his heart. 

If only he knew what he had done to hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .Yes, Ben has some good reasons to keep his guard up, but we know he has more skeletons in his closet. Time for their situation to get a bit more complicated 😬
> 
> A side note: We have no experience with loved ones being in the Armed Forces, so please forgive our ignorance on the matter. We only mean to enhance the story's plot to the best of our abilities in this little crossover world between Marvel and Star Wars. So please enjoy our fumbling! ❤


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